BGM: Little Creatures "Giants Are Dying"Today I've watched two movies. The one was the documentary "Searching For Sugar Man", which was the one I had written about in my yesterday's journal. An American, nameless singer-songwriter Rodrigue…

BGM: Little Creatures "Giants Are Dying"今日は映画を2本観た。1本目は昨日日記に書いたドキュメンタリー映画『シュガーマン 奇跡に愛された男』だ。アメリカで全然パッとしないシンガー・ソングライターだったロドリゲスという男の音楽は、だがふとしたこ…

是枝裕和『誰も知らない』を観る。システムから外れてしまう、とはどういうことなのかなと考えてしまった。当たり前の話をするが、私なら私はひとりで生きているわけではない。電気ガス水道といったインフラが支えられており、なおかつ住む場所を契約関係を…

BGM: Rodriguez "Crucify Your Mind"I'm still reading Yoshikichi Furui's "Karioujyouden Shibun". In this busy season, the person who reads such a book must be me only even if Japan is a large country... If I get bored of it, I read "The Song…

BGM: Rodriguez "Crucify Your Mind"古井由吉『仮往生伝試文』の読書が進む。年末年始の気忙しい時期にこんな本を読んでいるのは日本でも私ひとりだけではないだろうか。『仮往生伝試文』に飽きると『白髪の唄』を読む。様々な人々の死に触れた本であり、そ…

BGM: Number Girl "YARUSE NAKIO'S BEAT"I've read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet". This is the fifth time I've read it completely. I usually read this book if I don't want to read something anymore. These fragments Pessoa had writte…

BGM: Number Girl "YARUSE NAKIO の BEAT"フェルナンド・ペソア『不安の書』を読み終える。これで5周したことになる。いつも私はなにも読みたくない時にこの本を読み進めてきた。ペソアが特にまとまりもなく書き続けてきたこの断片たちは日記のようでもあり…

BGM: Oasis "Whatever"Am I still dreaming? I'm thinking about this. A dream...that I want to be a pro writer and live by writing. The people who had achieved great works often talk about the power of keeping dreams. "I have a dream"... But …

BGM: Oasis "Whatever"自分は夢を見ているのだろうか、と思った。夢……プロの作家になりたい、書くことで生計を立てたい、という夢だ。夢というものは厄介だ。何事かを成し遂げた人は夢を持つことの大事さを語る。「I have a dream」……だが、その夢は呪いに変…

Am I dreaming? I ask myself this. I'm waiting for something nice to happen? Like an anime movie, a girl would fall from the sky... am I waiting like that kind of event? I ask myself... Once I waited for something miraculous to happen. I wa…

BGM: ZABADAK "A Distant Music"I'm thinking about the comment by someone I had met last Wednesday. "Have you thought about changing your job?". I still have the thing I want to do in my company so I'll keep on doing this job, but maybe I wo…

BGM: ZABADAK "遠い音楽"こないだ、水曜日に会った方から「仕事を変えることを考えたことはありませんか」と言われたことが気にかかっている。今の会社でやりたいことがあるから続けるつもりではあるのだけれど、別の人生もありえたのだな、と思ってしまった…

Busy days go on. Today, when I had lunch, I thought about the possibility of myself. I could get another job and join another company as an employee. Or I could keep on studying something at the university. Anyway, I could become somebody …

BGM: Tom Waits "Innocent When You Dream"I read Douglas Richard Hofstadter's "Gödel, Escher, Bach" more. I have arrived at a part of the zen communication. This book seems to tell about the trial of finding any paradox in an order (For exam…

BGM: Tom Waits "Innocent When You Dream"ダグラス・ホフスタッター『ゲーデル、エッシャー、バッハ』の読書が進む。禅問答について触れられたパートにたどり着いた。ある体系の中に矛盾するなにかを見つける、というのがこの本の狙いのようだが（例えば「…

I always wonder what I should write. Oh... I am not a great writer, so I don't have to feel any pressure. I can't write as greatly as Nabokov, Faulkner, or Thoreau. I can see it clearly, and that fact/truth must make me easy to write more.…

BGM: PERSONZ "Déjà vu"This morning I took a long time to see what books I should borrow. What books do I want to read at the end of the year... I couldn't see what should be. There are too many books so I can't find a proper one I want... …

BGM: PERSONZ "Déjà vu"午前中、図書館で粘ってしまった。一体どんな本で年末年始を過ごすか考え込んでしまったのだ。本があまりにもたくさんあるので、自分が読みたい本が逆にわからなくなる……結局夏目漱石『思い出す事など』を借りた。何度も読んでいる本…

Today I had to work even if it was Christmas Eve. I'm working at a company in the countryside. My past friends asked me why I have worked at that kind of workplace. I can work at any better companies... Maybe they were right. I even don't …

BGM: Ryuichi Sakamoto "Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence"A manager of my company asked me to do work which needs my ability of English. This offer might vanish because it isn't formed as a formal work yet, but it might be a new work of mine. Of…

BGM: Ryuichi Sakamoto "Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence"社内のとあるマネージャーから、私の英語力を見込んでとあるお願いをされた。まだ仕事として形になっていないので立ち消えの可能性もあるが、もしかしたら私の新しい仕事が生まれるかもしれない。もち…

Once I was told that the average age of alcoholic people is about 52 years old. 52 years old... now I'm 46. If I kept on drinking alcohol, my life would end after about 6 years... it's short? Or long? Once I was a heavy drinker, I thought …

BGM: Venus Peter "Every Planets Son"This morning I went to meet the main staff of my group home and spent money on the rent. I talked with her for a while. I brought a handout of my memo of the worrying and problems about my workplace whic…

BGM: Venus Peter "Every Planets Son"午前中、グループホームの利用料を払いに行く。そこでスタッフの方と話をする。あらかじめ、今私が持っているシステム手帳に書き記している職場での問題や悩み事のメモをプリントして持参したのだけれど、それがわかり…

I heard that Kenji Ozawa's album "The Dogs Bark, But The Caravan Moves On" will be released again. This album is one of my favorites in my life. An evergreen one. When I was a high school student, I asked my father to give me as a present …

BGM: Pavement "Range Life"Christmas is coming. For me, this year I will spend a "lonely Christmas" as usual. Probably I will listen to Jazz classics, read some books and watch some movies. I have watched Wayne Wang's movie "Smoke" every Ch…

BGM: Pavement "Range Life"クリスマスが近づいてきている。今年も私の場合はロンリークリスマスになる。多分ジャズを聴いたり本を読んだり、映画を観たりして過ごすことになるだろう。毎年クリスマスになると儀式のようにウェイン・ワンの映画『スモーク』…

Why do I write? This is also a piece of an enigma for me. Why... I like writing and I have written various things since my childhood. Many, many pieces of long novels (I wanted to make them as a long, long novel as "Record of Lodoss War").…

BGM: Teenage Fanclub "Hang On"Today I could write the novel again. I thought I couldn't write more, but if I start writing I found various ideas from somewhere in my head and I just write them out. I also started writing a note for the nov…

BGM: Teenage Fanclub "Hang On"今日も小説を書くことができた。これ以上書けないかな、と思っていたのだけれどいざ書き始めると思いも寄らなかったアイデアが出てきて、なんとか書けた。小説のためのノートもつけ始めたのだけれど、いつも不思議に思うのだ…