Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/27 English

BGM: Oasis "Whatever"

Am I still dreaming? I'm thinking about this. A dream...that I want to be a pro writer and live by writing. The people who had achieved great works often talk about the power of keeping dreams. "I have a dream"... But the dream can be a curse. It can collapse our life. Even if in the case I should give up the dream, I can let myself down with it. Of course, if you are satisfied with keeping that dream, it might be OK, but... What should I do? Do I have to start my life normally after throwing it away?

I thought that I should learn English again from next year, or from now. How do people learn English? Or, I should ask this. Why do people learn English? I'm learning it but I don't use it in my daily life or work, so I just use it as my personal satisfaction... I might have to find any purpose in my life so I have to learn English and do with this ability. I should try TOEIC or attend some meetings on clubhouse in English. Then I can use it more.

Today I went out of my room to AEON as usual. There were various people. Workers of AEON, customers... Everybody buy something with money which is basically just paper. They speak empty topics as Heidegger says so and keep on their life... But of course, this might sound so insolent but thought they were lovely. Everybody lives their life seriously until they die. I remembered Souseki Natsume's novel "I am a cat". Everybody lives sad fate, but it's also sweet.

I write this journal based on the memo pad I'm writing in English. But reading the memo, I thought why I can read it. Nowadays I rarely use a dictionary to check English words. I don't translate any Japanese descriptions into English, but write natural expressions which come from "my body". Does it mean the rule of English has been installed in my unconsciousness? But how is getting the rule of language in myself? I should read Wittgenstein and Shigeki Noya again?