This morning, in a LINE group I belong to, some members had an interesting discussion, which was about the relationship between love (especially, spiritual "platonic love") and desire (yes, so-called intuitive one). I posted my opinions in that discussion. For me, spiritual love means the attitude that treats the person I love as a precious individual. Intuitive desire means the wish to unify ourselves as one through making love. However, this doesn't mean that desire must be brutal and silly... Or, even though it could be a violent wish, at least I need to face the fact that within me that kind of brutal desire certainly exists, therefore I need to face this serious paradox: rational love and primitive instinct. Yes, I can feel that my mind is always "ripped" between these paradoxical things.
After starting my work (I worked late today), I thought about this. in my mind, there must be a serious paradox which means my mind is grey. I sometimes pray for world peace and also write about diversity and equality. However, as you have read in these journals, the true myself is not a so-called "white" saint at all. In my mind, there must be a true "black" essence that lets me move actually toward various material or instinctive desires.
In a way, as Shunsuke Tsurumi, one of the philosophers I always respect says, I have to endure a troublesome paradox through this life... and also, this autistic brain can't allow/endure this enigmatic grey state of my mind (because my brain always wishes for analyzing everything to find out they can be black and white). Therefore my mind sometimes feels many troubles, and within them, I have to give up the efforts to analyze anymore.
About this, I tend to remember Haruki Murakami's novels because they have been telling me about the two faces in every people actually through very sophisticated storytelling. When I was a teenager, I had already been a stray sheep in a rural town, therefore his novels gave me great lessons about human nature. In my mind, there must be serious paradoxical chaos that can't be unified as one (like oil and water). Oh my gosh! In my mind, there must be a huge monster who has been asking me "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"
