人生は上々だ

Life is good.

2022/10/02 English

I thought why I have been attracted to Haruki Murakami. One of the reasons why is that Haruki has broadened my world of reading or listening. After I had learned about Haruki's novels, I tried to read various writers' works. . I read some of John Irving's and Raymond Carver's books because I had learned Haruki had translated them into Japanese. I also tried to listen to the Beatles, Jazz, and a kind of sophisticated fusion. Accidentally, I had learned Motoyuki Shibata as a friend of Haruki, and I read Paul Auster and Stephen Millhauser that Shibata had translated.

I can add the reason why I adored Haruki more. Because he lived in America, and there he wrote various novels. That kind of attitude that separated from the Japanese narrow guild of literature, and acted globally was simply cool for me. I had lived in the countryside in Japan, and therefore I felt some hardships so adored his cool maverick style. I thought I had to learn English more. By the way, I had such a childlike adoring for Motoharu Sano and Flipper's Guitar, both Japanese musicians. A good old memory. Now we have the internet so living in the countryside might be easier than in those days.

Ah, I felt really bored in the life of the countryside, so I adored the city life (especially Tokyo)... At that period, we had to endure living in the harder gap between the city and the countryside than now. So, you might think this must be a joke, but I honestly tried to get the information about the city. I listened to various radio programs and bought expensive magazines... and got into Flipper's Guitar and Pizzicato Five. Now we have a subscription system and can listen to so much music(but we should care about the harm of that kind of subscription system), and also can get various information easily. We also can access and communicate with each other. Now is the time we can live with lesser stress even if we live in the countryside. The time changed...

Now I had time to read Haruki Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World" seriously with Donald Fagen's "Kamakiriad". This novel contains a very cruel story, but the tenderness and seriousness of the main character embraced me well. As entertainment, it becomes a well-made story. And we also can find more profound messages in this novel I guess. But I couldn't say what was that... By the way, I noticed that this novel's events are happening at the current time, in other words, the beginning of October. Synchronicity? No, just a banal thing. But this coincidence also embraced me a lot I thought, and was glad to read this novel.

2022/10/02

なぜ村上春樹に惹かれたのか、を考えた。その原因のひとつとしては、春樹を読んだことで私の読書や音楽鑑賞の幅が広がったというのがあったのかもしれないな、と思った。私は村上春樹に触れた後でいろいろ別の作家を読み漁るようになった。彼が訳したということでジョン・アーヴィングレイモンド・カーヴァーの本も読んでみたし、音楽にしても背伸びをしてビートルズやジャズやある種の洗練されたフュージョンを聴いてみたりした。ひょんなことから村上春樹とゆかりがある柴田元幸を知り、柴田元幸が訳したポール・オースタースティーヴン・ミルハウザーを読むようにもなった。

村上春樹への憧れをもう少し挙げると、彼がアメリカに住んでそこで作家活動をしていたこともあったと思う。そうした、日本の文壇から身を離してグローバルに活躍する姿が端的にカッコいいと思ったのだった。私自身日本のど田舎で生まれ育って、恐らくはそれゆえに辛い思いもしたので春樹の一匹狼タイプの活動ぶりに憧れ、自分も英語を勉強しなければと思ったのだった。同じ憧れを私は佐野元春フリッパーズ・ギターに対して抱いたことがある。まあ、古き良き時代の話だ。今はインターネットがあるからど田舎での暮らしもそれほどストレス過多なものではなくなったと思う。

ああ、ど田舎での生活に飽き足りないものを感じ、ゆえに都会(もっと言えば東京)に憧れて……当時は今よりもっと都会と田舎の「文化的格差」が大きかった。だから今となっては笑い話にもならないが、私は都会の情報を集めようと足掻いた。ラジオをチェックし、本屋で高価な雑誌を買い……そうしてフリッパーズ・ギターピチカート・ファイヴを聴き込んだ。今はサブスクリプションで手軽にさまざまな音楽を聴けるし(むろん最近川本真琴が指摘したようなサブスクの構造的欠陥も見過ごしてはならないが)、情報も手軽に入手できるようになり交友の手段も増えた。地方在住であることがさほど苦にならなくなる時代である、とは言える。世の中もずいぶん変わった……。

今日は時間があったので、腰を据えてドナルド・フェイゲン『カマキリアド』を聴きつつ村上春樹世界の終りとハードボイルド・ワンダーランド』を読んだ。冷静に考えればずいぶん理不尽な話だが、主人公の優しさと生真面目さにしみじみと励まされる小説だとも思う。単純に娯楽/エンターテイメントとしても面白いし、もっと濃いメッセージを読み解くこともできるようにも思った。だが、その「濃いメッセージ」が何なのかまではわからなかった。それはそうと、この小説内の設定ではまさに10月頭の「今」という時が舞台となっていることに気づく。シンクロニシティ……いや「ありがちな話」かもしれないが、こうした偶然もまた何らかの励ましのようにも思われて嬉しくなった。

2022/10/01 English

I was still thinking about why Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" became a bestseller in Japan. I talked about this on a LINE group, and other members spoke about the sexual essence of this novel. Indeed, "Norwegian Wood" exactly has some deep descriptions of sexual things, but then why that novel has attracted female readers? What do the female readers who read "Norwegian Wood" seriously find in that novel? Probably, it can be beyond my imagination. These diverse ways of reading are allowed in Haruki's novels. That must be the great taste of his novels.

I also thought that why the Haruki world attracts so many people. Why am I attracted by the Haruki world? Because he uses his weird imagination and builds a very surrealistic world. But his such a great surrealistic world is also very friendly for me. Like Kafka's works are built on very rich and surrealistic imagination but also show this real-world steadily, Haruki writes his novels and they are almost the ones about 'my life'. That is the reason why I have been attracted. But what do other people think?

I accidentally read Haruki's "Pinball, 1973" and that lead me to the Haruki world. Since then, sometimes I even became a hater, but basically, I have been a resident of the world. I guess I would be so forever. As I wrote before, there must be some greater writers than Haruki. But I feel that Haruki has brought me up in this life. I will have been one of Haruki's children and committed to his world. Indeed, I might diss him as "He's still writing such a silly novel!".

On the 6th of this month, we have another Nobel Prize winner for literature. Of course, I wish Haruki would be a winner of that prize, but I say that Haruki never gets such a big prize. Maybe Houellebecq would get such a controversial prize. I believe that how are his works accepted or read by many people, and how those works influenced their life are more important than the prize itself. I say again. In this way, I believe Haruki is already a great enough writer. Luckily, Haruki doesn't have any interest in the prize (maybe he just shows such an attitude on the net only). So we can enjoy this autumn with a calm mind. By the way, I have never read Houellebecq... OH MY GOD!

2022/10/01

村上春樹ノルウェイの森』が日本でベストセラーになった理由についてまだ考えていた。LINEでこの話をしたところ、性描写のキツさについて語られた方がいた。確かに『ノルウェイの森』は濃い性描写で読ませる作品なのだが、ならば女性の読者があれだけ惹かれた理由が見えてこない。『ノルウェイの森』に惹かれた女性の読者はいったいあの作品の中に何を見出したのだろう? 恐らく、私には想像もつかないものを見出したはずなのだ。こうして多彩な読み方ができるところがあの作品の醍醐味である、とは言えそうだ。

そして、そもそもハルキワールドになぜ多くの人が惹かれるのかについても考えが及んだ。私がなぜハルキワールドに惹かれるのかというと、彼は奇矯な想像力を駆使してシュールな世界を作り上げる。だが、その現実離れした世界は同時にどこまでもリアルだ。カフカの作品が同じように現実離れした想像力で成り立ったものでありながらこの現実を映し出しているのと同じように、村上春樹もまさに私のことを書いているのではないかと思うほどにリアルに小説を書いている。そこに惹かれるのだと思う。でも、他の人はどうなのかわからない。

高校生の頃にたまたま読んだ『1973年のピンボール』がきっかけで私はハルキワールドに入っていくことになった。それ以来、時には嫌いになってしまうこともあったけれど、それでもハルキワールドの住人として暮らし続けてきた。これからもそうなのだろう。前にも書いたが、村上春樹よりも優れた作家は確実にいる。ただ、春樹によって私は育てられたという恩を感じていることも確かなので、これからもそうした「春樹チルドレン」のひとりとして彼の世界と関わっていくのだろうと思う。「まだこんな小説書いてるのかよ」とか言うこともあるかもしれないにせよ。

今月6日、ノーベル文学賞が発表されるという。もちろん春樹がノーベル文学賞に輝いたら嬉しいとは思うものの、同時に受賞はないだろうなとも思ってしまう。獲るとしたらもっとエグい小説を書いているウエルベックみたいな作家が獲るのではないか。私はそんな名誉より、個々の読者にどう読まれてどう彼らの人生に影響を与えているか、そちらの方が大事だと思う。くどいけれど、私はその意味では春樹を充分にグレイトな作家だと思っている。幸いなことに春樹も(少なくとも表向きには)賞のことを特に記にしていないようなので、落ち着いて秋を過ごせそうだ。それはそうと、私は実はウエルベックを読んだことがないのだった。オーマイガッ!

2022/09/30 English

Two days after the vaccination. Yesterday I took sleeping time so much, and it seems to work well. This morning I could wake up early and my body didn't have so much fever. I read Haruki Murakami's short stories well. Me, I have never read ordinary novels so much but I had written Haruki-like novels saying that "I can write these kinds of novels". Finally, I recognized that I can't write any longer novels because of my autism. And there are so many Haruki-like novels in this world so I don't need to write and add more. That led me to lose the motivation to write. All I can write seems to write this kind of journal... That's life.

This morning I went to Popo instead of Aeon. There, we 4 members enjoyed doing small talk. At first, the topic was "What would you do if you got 100 million yen?". And it went to "What would you do if you could live your life without any working?". A member said, "It would be hard if every day was like Sunday". I had the same idea. If I got such huge money, I would build a company with my friends and chose working more. But this doesn't mean I am serious or a workaholic. It just means "I am that kind of person". Connection with others saves me neutral.

After a nap, I joined the room Mihoge san had opened. Mihoge san was just after her travel to Spain, and the theme of talking was how to memorize the memories of traveling. I answered that "I would buy some commodities like mug cups, and use them in my daily life". For example, I have a mug cup that I bought at the shop Masashi Tashiro had in Harajuku and still use it. After learning that I am an alcohol-addictive person, I started having a will to support Masashi Tashiro who is still struggling against his addiction. Now I still have that will. I wish he would come back (although it couldn't be any great as his young days).

At the server about Haruki Murakami on Discord, I was asked that "Why did 'Norwegian Wood' become a bestseller in Japan?". I couldn't answer it. I don't think that it is a very brilliant one (of course, also it never is crap). I post this question on LINE, and other people answered me as he said this novel was a 'pure love novel', and also decorated with Christmas colors (brilliant red and green). That means that his tactics of marketing. Indeed, that design was very cool (now we can say it is 'Instagram-able'). And also, it was just released at good timing I guess even if I can't criticize well because I'm not a sociologist.

2022/09/30

ワクチン接種後2日目。昨日しこたま睡眠時間を設けて眠ったことが効いたのか今日は目覚めも快調、で体温も平常運転の一日となった。村上春樹の短編集を読み耽る。私自身、ロクに小説を読み込んだわけでもないのに村上春樹的なものを「これなら自分でも書ける」と思って書いて悦に入っていたことを思い出す。結局、私は長編小説を書くのは自分の自閉症スペクトラム障害のせいで無理だということを確認して終わったのだった。それに村上春樹的なものなら私が書かなくても充分に有り余っているわけで、そう考えると小説を書くモチベーションもなくなってしまった。私が書けるのはこうした日記だけ、なのかもしれない。まあ、世の中そんなものなのだろう。

今朝はイオンではなく歩歩という引きこもり関連の施設に行った。そこで私を含めた4人で雑談をした。「もし一億円もらえたら何をしたいか」という話題から「働かずに暮らすことができたらどうするか」に話が移った。参加者の方が「毎日が日曜日みたいな生活はキツいと思う」と話されて、私も同じことを考えた。多分そんなお金が入ってきたら、私は今の友だちと会社を作るなりして働くことを選ぶかもしれない。でもこれはワーカホリックとか真面目とかそういうものではなく、「人間とはもともとそういう生き物だから」だとしか言いようがないのだった。他者とのつながりがあってこそ自分自身を保てる、という。

昼寝をした後、clubhouseでみほげさんが開かれたルームに入る。みほげさんは旅行から戻ってこられた直後で、旅の思い出を残すにはどうしたらいいかがトークテーマだった。私は「マグカップみたいな日用品を買って日々の生活で使うだろう」と答えた。私は修学旅行の際田代まさしが原宿で営んでいたタレントショップで買ったマグカップを持っていて、それを使っている。後に私自身がアルコール依存症とわかってから、同じ依存症と戦う田代氏を応援したいという気持ちになったのだった。それは今でも変わらない。田代氏が(以前のような華々しいものではなくとも)復活することを願っている。

Discordの村上春樹を語るサーバで「どうして日本で『ノルウェイの森』があんなに売れたんだ」という話になった。私もよくわからない。村上春樹の作品の中でもとりわけ「面白い」ものでもないと思うし(もちろんつまらないものでもないが)……それでLINEで他の人の意見を聞いてみたら、やはり「純愛小説」を謳ってクリスマスカラーのデザイン(大胆な赤と緑)で売られたことが原因ではないか、という話になった。マーケティング戦略の勝利、ということになる。確かにそうしたデザインが「映えた」ことは想像に難くない。あとはタイミングの問題もあったのかもしれない。私は社会学者ではないので厳密な議論はできないのだが。

2022/09/29 English

I had to do struggling against the side effect the whole day. From this morning I felt too chilly. Indeed, now is the day after autumn had come. That might be why. My left arm which I had been vaccinated on yesterday hurts. So I spent this day lying on the bed at my group home. I slept very, very well that I couldn't express how to describe it. At 10 am, I felt so sick that I couldn't go to Aeon as a morning activity. I just slept. I took lunch and slept again deeply. I had dinner and slept again... I could do nothing creative. This might happen in life because it is so long.

I read my friends talking about health on LINE. I reflect on myself. I had spent my days with alcohol and tried to hurt myself. Now I feel that "anyway, being fine is the best". I even believe that "being fine" can produce good work. I read Haruki Murakami's interviews and thought about this. Haruki is also a man who controls himself steadily and attends marathons and triathlons with his trained body. I learned that it was not realistic that think about things without any physical essence. A sound mind in a sound body... Yes, this is too extreme.

Me, I feel that it is a miracle that I can spend my days without any alcohol. Once I thought that being a heavy drinker mean being a great man, so I drank a lot... too much. I think that ordinary or normal life exactly has a deep truth. Living ordinary life must be extraordinary... I also think so when I read Haruki Murakami's words in his interviews I said above. Reflecting on my life, I try to stop drinking alcohol "just for today", have healthy meals, and live my life with a certain rule. That kind of conservative life has been my nature from the point I can't remember.

This evening I read Haruki's early short stories again. They are contained in "Kangaroo weather". His keen sense of nonsense ideas, and interesting storytelling made me impressed. It seems that Haruki has tried to keep his style always. But actually, he has tried to change constantly. So he never writes "Norwegian Wood Part 2". "Kafka On The Shore" has been said that it was the next version of "Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World", but you would find it must be quite different work from it if you read it. By the way, what should I do with reading Haruki so much, although I don't want to be a critic? Oh my...