This morning I talked with Judith again. I remember that it is half a year since I started Clubhouse. Judith always cares for me. I always thank her because I can enjoy talking on Clubhouse by her caring. But sometimes I worry if my English is clear to understand. Indeed I keep on writing and talking in English, but have I achieved certain progress? I can enjoy talking time with Judith so I don't want to forget this feeling. "Don't fight it, feel it". This is Bruce Lee's quote.
Yesterday, when I talked about the problem of money to my staff at the group home, the staff asked me when is the time I feel pleasure. What is the activity I can enjoy the most? I think that I can feel a certain pleasure if I express my thought in Japanese and English like this. Indeed, my expression of thoughts can move this world very little. I would live this life without any million sellers. But great friends already read my articles and accept them. That's enough, isn't that? My writing affects them exactly.
I can remember that on Clubhouse a young woman said that "Everyone who expresses their thoughts in English looks bright". I can remember my young days when I had thought that everyone except me looked great and therefore I couldn't handle my inferiority complex too much. And now, I still envy someone else. But I walk this life or this way. I can keep my pace to walk forward. I should compare myself with past myself, not anybody else. This idea has eased me.
Today it was raining. I didn't want to work, but the work shift was a late time so I went to a cafe near my office and read Brady Mikako's "Europe Calling Returns" and Anthony DeCurtis's "Lou Reed". They made my mind calm. And I could my work well. What is the dream I want to achieve at my office? I asked myself. Even if I work at the same office or a different office, I want to be myself. If this strange person like me can work my potential power freely, that's great enough. Is this just a dream?