Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/20 English

BGM: Teenage Fanclub "Hang On"

Today I could write the novel again. I thought I couldn't write more, but if I start writing I found various ideas from somewhere in my head and I just write them out. I also started writing a note for the novel. I usually have no good ideas to write, but I get nice ideas if I take a pen. This is always strange for me. A great philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein says that "I think by a pen" in one of his fragments. We say "It is easier to do something than worry about it". I guess this is a great enigma of/for me. Anyway, I wrote.

I write the thought I'm having onto my memo pad. Then, ideas go out. I have nothing to write more about. If I do that task before my work at the workplace, I feel that I just used myself enough and can do nothing more. There are no ideas to let out, therefore I can do nothing anymore... but if I start my work, a new energy comes out from somewhere and it lets me work more. I remember Samuel Beckett's quote. *I Can't Go On, I'll Go On.* I have never read Beckett seriously. Does the library have any books of his? Or I should watch "Waiting for Godot". Can I watch that play on YouTube?

It's quite a little but I got bonus money from my company. What can I buy with this bonus? I think. It should be Daniel Dennett's "Elbow Room"... Nowadays I have no desire for reading. Just I should read the books I had bought and that's enough. I have not read Tim Ingold's masterpiece "Being Alive". Today I bought a refill of 2022 for my note. How will 2022 be? I keep on reading, watching, and listening to... Maybe 2022 is also the year I do with nothing special.

I read Tomiko Mori's book "The time with Atsushi Mori". This book tells us about the days with Atsushi Mori, a legendary Japanese writer. He must be a genius but also couldn't manage his life so Tomiko Mori supported his life as his daughter-in-law. The style is soft so I can see that this kind of life can be. I think about my life. How will this life develop? Can I climb higher? I have to live with various trouble with sadness, but I want to let them out as a journal or novels. Like a silkworm that eats leaves and lets beautiful strings out.