Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/28 English


I've read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet". This is the fifth time I've read it completely. I usually read this book if I don't want to read something anymore. These fragments Pessoa had written without a purpose seem his journal. It doesn't have a certain story. But the feeling of being tired is filled with this book, so it's comfortable if I am bored of living itself. Such a feeling of being tired... in other words, existence itself is already very troublesome? He seems trying to say so. He must be quite a smart and sensitive person.

And I started reading Yoshikichi Furui's "Karioujyouden Shibun" again. How many times will I read this book again and again till I die? The tales of the death of ancient people and the author's journal who lives now are mixed into it, so I sometimes get feared of this book's theme, in short, death. Memento Mori. Everybody will die. Looking at that fact seriously... and starting writing from that fact. He chooses to keep on writing and thinking, putting on his words little by little freely. That writing is still vivid. Reading this book, I thought the death someday I have to accept.

Reading Pessoa and/or Yoshikichi Furui... My reading goes on like that so I can't see where it will go and reach. I've read several books this year. Once I thought about the relationship between English and Japanese because of Yoshio Kataoka's books. Or I tried to approach the world of brain and science even if I am an amateur. I don't use these pieces of knowledge at my work. Just I read them freely and randomly so I haven't piled up them. It's just a terrible waste of time and energy... But that waste makes my life. If I wanted to make myself bigger or get something useful, I chose different books. So this is just a hobby.

I listened to Fishmans's "98.12.28 Departure of The Men" it has past a long time since I haven't listened to Fishmans often. It isn't because I started hating them. From their music, I have learned the truth that sublime things are in our ordinary happy life. And that kind of life itself is awesome... But I want to listen to different music and think about different ideas. Now I'm listening to ECD's "Sitten In The Park" which I had listened to at the last year's end. I will listen to his hip-hop again at the end of this year? I get used to this life which is basically a poor, modest, peaceful, and happy life from somewhen...