2022/10/17 English

Today I worked late. I feel something weird, like a cold... we call that depression a cold in our minds, and I thought it was right. The temperature of my body was fine so my body was alright, but my body would get wrong if my mind was harmed by something. My body and mind are connected like that. I chose Momus's "Don't stop the night" as this morning's music. This kind of maniac taste is a sad character of the autistic person. I remember my high school days. At that period, I chose the music no one liked, so I couldn't enjoy small talk about music.

Now might be the time I can't change the situation itself. I remember the time I read Yoshimichi Nakajima's autobiography. Following Yoshimichi Nakajima, I just taste the miserable taste of the bottom state... then, the chance of climbing up again. Then, I just jump up higher. Ah, I have experienced this kind of bad time. I just sank into alcohol... and waited for the time with reading Choukitsu Kurumatani. Interesting... life gives me something beyond my tiny head. I just have to believe it.

Suddenly, I thought about if I fell down. If I fell down... then what this life would be like? How my efforts would become? I just have something I want to do, or I have to do. The city festival and my job coach. This is also interesting. I have not had any big ambitions. Just I have done the work in front of me step by step, then it leads to such big work. Then, I just ride on that big wave. I can't stumble down. I just do it.

Like that, I spent my resting time for today's work with Donald Fagen's music. The job coach, the city festival... then I should think about "after that?", Where this life will go finally? I can't see. I had thought that I would study philosophy, but... what is this life? I just have lived randomly. I remember Tamori's quotes on the net coincidentally. I heard that Tamori said, "Stress won't go away, so you must forget and keep on going forward". I trust this quote. I go forward, on and on.