What am I doing? I think about this. What have I achieved in this life... Probably I have lost the purpose of this life. I wished I could become a pro writer. I had done a lot to that. But it would end just like a dream. That's OK. I have found another purpose. That's life? The quote 'the dream come true' might be just a false. My dream wouldn't come true. But a miracle must happen in everyone's life. I thought so.
Even if I lost my life's purpose, I wouldn't stop reading and thinking. That might be my nature. Today I borrowed Gen Kida's books from a library and started reading one of them with Mute Beat's music. The hot and comical groove by Mute Beat eases me. Life might need this kind of comical essences. I shouldn't be too serious... In Gen Kida's book, he read Heidegger's "Being and Time". If I lost my way to go (exactly, now is just that kind of time), what would I read? I might choose Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood".
Reading Nietzsche and Heidegger... but all I can understand is just within the things various guidebooks would tell. The problem I have can be solved by philosophy? Sometimes people say that my thought is very philosophical. When I read Yoshimichi Nakajima "The guidebook of philosophy", I need philosophy to go forward. But it can be solved by literature too. I need reading Russian literature like Dostoevsky? Or I need reading Yoshikichi Furui and Haruki Murakami again? Or I need Camus and Le Clézio?
Ah, I'm losing the meaning of working at my workplace... but when did I find the meaning in my job? I have never had any severe and big purpose in my job. I just wanted to live more and started it (Like Kafka says, that is just a 'work for bread'). But a fatal encounter had happened and I learned the system of a job coach. I have thought that I wanted to use that system and make my workplace as the place autistic people could work freely and easily. I have worked at there for over 20 years. It has always trained me...
