I worked early today. This morning time, I thought about who had been the first person who approved of me as a normal, unique guy, in other words, who had loved me as a lovely, worthy one. I won't blame my parents because of abuse (they have cared for me a lot, even though they couldn't have understood autism because it wasn't known at their age). The first time I could have felt the touch of love except from my parents... It could be not only as a heterosexual, narrow love but any wider love or respect toward any mentor.
You would think that I am exaggerating the memories of my past days... Yes, I won't say I was completely white and THEY were evil who just bullied me like a poisonous bug. That's very unreal. However, for example, in my teenage (I write this as a huge shame) I hadn't been able to TASTE what could be the true possible love or approval as a human being, therefore I even had gotten into a very conspiracy lefty idealism, which even sacrificed me from this life's absurd cruelty.
You must think I am a bookworm. Yes, I might love books... Now, in this internet age, you can find so many bookworms anywhere in this global village. However, dear readers, please imagine the scenery "before the internet era (in the 1980s)" when I had to stay isolated from any connection among classmates and just try to connect my mind to the bookish world even though that world must also be very unreal (for example, in the Haruki's wonderful, sophisticated world they just enjoy drinking beers and having romances, instead of doing physical work as I have been doing).
Then, I ask again; Who was the first mentor to give me the first approval? I can't tell... however, at least one thing I can tell precisely is there. NOW, I can feel that around me there are so many mentors who are always guiding me (or staying with me). What has enabled this miracle? I am just a very slow learner like a snail, therefore I am now learning the technique/skill of loving others (or showing respect toward others) step by step.
This evening, I attended the English conversation class. There, we learned about how we can use casual English in our daily lives (by using so much cool slang, and also the expressions such as "wanna", "gotta" etc.).
