2022/10/18 English

Today was a day off. This morning I read Yoshio Kataoka's book "What is to live in Japanese". Suddenly, reading Kataoka's thoughts about Japanese, I thought about myself. I speak Japanese and English, but I have never thought that I can be free from any Japanese essences. I am just a "pure Japanese" and have nostalgia for Southern All-Stars' music. Then, where should I put myself when I read Yoshio Kataoka's critics of Japanese? Why do I learn English and try to go a little far from Japanese?

I learn this from Yoshimichi Nakajima's books. Le Clezio wrote in his book that "Accidentally, I was born onto this ground". This "Accidentally" is a keyword I guess. Me, I was born in a middle-class family. Not far from rich or poor, just middle-class in the countryside (I remember the beginning of "Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise"). The situation I was born in is what I couldn't choose. But I can live without looking at the inequality of being born (or just not concerned). That is interesting.

I went to the library and borrowed Shunsuke Tsurumi's book. After that, I wrote an e-mail about a job coach. I wrote a tiny paper that might be able to be used as the content of a zine in my town. It was not a long one, but in that writing process, I looked back on my life a little. About 10 years ago, I could do nothing, and finally, I stumbled on my career and stayed still in my parents' home. During that period I read Choukitsu Kurumatani's books. Those readings are a part of me. Compared there, now I have friends. I can also feel thankful for my work and private life. That must be happy.

This evening, I read Ludwig Wittgenstein's "Last Writings". It seems that I am interested in Wittgenstein's works again. I am not so brave person to dedicate this life to philosophy. I can even feel some pleasure in material successes and ecstasy. I also can't purify my thought to put philosophy forward. It was after a long time that I read his "Last Writings", and was really impressed by his dialogues himself (and the seriousness of writing those kinds of dialogues). I have been influenced by his writing. I can't deny this.