2022/10/14 English

This morning, TBH I was in a bad state of mind. I even thought that I wanted to disappear, and die... but anyway I did my routine in the morning time. Listening to Takkyu Ishino's "Karaokejack", I tried to translate a draft for the festival of my city into English. Then, my mind got upper naturally. Various ideas came from me, and my body started getting warm certainly. I never forget this heat I am feeling. At my work, if I get excited, my body gets warm. In a way, this is the touch of life.

Next Sunday we will have a meeting about autism. I want to talk about the power of English which helps me with this. English always empowers me. I can feel some creative power start working when I start chatting in English on Discord and WhatsApp, writing some memos on a memo pad, and writing this diary. Talking with Judith on Clubhouse, I also can feel the power is exactly working in me. Judith also got pleased with the episode that I will work at the festival of the city. Yes, various people stand by me.

I remember the past. The meetings about autism started, and I met various people at the meetings... They let me express my opinions in English, so I started awkwardly. Conversely, if I didn't meet them, I couldn't use my English in public... I am not a fluent speaker. This is a fact. Even in Japanese, I am not a fluent speaker, my speaking English is not good. But I am trying to be honest and let my heart speak the truth. That might work well.

I read Yoshimichi Nakajima's book a little. Does the process of living, in short, this life has any meaning? Someday we will die, then life might be nonsense... His keen questions knocked me. Me, I think that my struggle and battle in my mind might be nonsense. But if I go to my workplace, I start working automatically. If I see any sexy women, I start getting attracted. These "silly" things ease me. Then, thinking about these "silly" things might be a piece of my philosophy. This diary is a trial of that.