BGM: U2 "Vertigo"
Today I worked late. This morning I talked with Judith and our friends on Clubhouse. I have talked like this on Clubhouse for over a year, but have I improved my English? While I have kept talking in English with struggles, I have learned personal truth as "English is the language coming from my heart". Not trying to speak from my head, but trying to talk what I want to do from myself straightly. Then the heat goes to the others and it will move their heart. I have done this action. Today I read my diary in front of Judith as usual, but could she understand who was Kazuhiro Kiyohara?
I thought about the relationship with Judith or the one with the people who are connected by the self-help group about autism now. The connection with the people I met when we built the self-help group. It was when I was 40. I have been trained in that group, and also supported therefore I can come to this stage. I met various people when I had strictly believed that I should be alone, or I must be a loser in my life... I sank into very dark solitude. They taught me/us how to cook rice, or how to use Evernote. Trials and errors. We learned various things through them and could become bigger. Thinking about this, I spent morning time.
I read Hiroshi Osada's "American heartful songs". I thought about how I can understand songs. The process that songs immerse this body and move my mind... that requires a slow way of enjoying, different from the speed of consuming them. I have not known the songs such as folk, blues, and Jazz as this book refers to, so I learned quite a lot of things. Me, I can remember the groups R.E.M., Nirvana, and U2 as the music that immersed my soul deeply. I believe that they are never hyping. Indeed their songs have been consumed instantly, but I think that their music must be needed from now.
Recently I listen to Eric Clapton's "Unplugged", and I also try to dig various masterpieces of folk and blues music. Do I have to read Clapton's autobiography? Being far from any trend, and digging my own hole in my territory. I also read just Yoshio Kataoka and Hemingway, and that's all. I just can't live the life I can't accept. About my job, people often said that "You must quit!", but I thought I should do more, therefore, I have worked until now. Stubborn, or just out of time? Or I might be too introspective. Anyway, this is the life I can enjoy pleasure. Life is the thing I have to experience before I judge it. If so, I want to live with the spirit of "staying foolish".