2022/07/02 English

Today is the last day of my 46. 46 years old... Kenji Nakagami and Albert Camus had written various masterpieces by this age. I have written nothing. I have just gotten old... but I believe that living well is good. I have lived by this age and enjoy that fact with my body itself. I have been sentimental mood with Ryuichi Sakamoto's music, especially his "energy flow" and "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence". He asks "How many times I would watch the full moon from now". I want to follow him and ask how long I would live and see how the scenery changes.

Today I worked. At lunchtime, I listened to Scha Dara Parr's "Summer Jam '95". I can't enjoy summers without this song. When I listen to this song, I want to enjoy the taste of Soba, Tofu, and watermelons. I also want to enjoy swimming in the sea or pool, or just stay chill in a library... Indeed, it's far from luxury. But this must be a classic song for sublime summer for me. Ah, in 1995, exactly this song was in my life. But I want to ask a philosophical question like Yoshimichi Nakajima. "Why did the year 1995 exist exactly?" As Russel says, we can ask that "Maybe our world had been made 5 minutes before".

At dinner time, I talked with a staff of my group home. She celebrated early if I talked about my birthday. She told me how my classmates have been now. They have found their way and enjoy their life. I am also... at the age of 40 I had thought I would die, I met my friends finally, and found the way to come till now. The situation has changed from the period I had believed that my life had seemed like 'a mistake'. But life still goes on. Life without any scenarios, days without any ends lasts... life is wonderful.

At night, I did a presentation about Susumu Sogo at a server on Discord. I talked about I had been influenced by his books like "Can't live without movies". I have read the columns he had written since the end of his 40s, and enjoyed his movie reviews and political opinions... When I had entered my 40s and lost the way to go, his columns and Akira Abe's "A simple life" gave me clues. I have been impressed by their attitude toward celebrating their 40s, and their daily life's goodness, and the fact they are alive peacefully. TBH I have been writing this diary with respect to them. I have wanted to become like them... I could step forward?