I'm reading Saburo Kawamoto's "Modern movies, check its footsteps". This is a collection of his movie reviews, and it delivers his mild thoughts. He doesn't do loud agitation. He never tries to move his readers to a specific thought. But his eyes catch the weak people in this world, and also they catch this world's absurdity. TBH I have never read Kawamoto's "My Back Pages" so I thought I should read it to know his personal backbone. I thought that I should follow his way of watching.
The town I had been born in has no movie theaters. Once a rental video store was here but it vanished. So I can't enjoy movies easily, and my ignorance of movies might be because of that. In addition, once I had read Mieko Kanai's essay and I got mad because she had written the ignorance or bad sense of movies terribly, so I decided that I wouldn't watch movies. Therefore, I spent my time wastefully in the 90s, the era the movies were so great ("Trainspotting", or "Chungking Express"!). Yes, I was just an idiot.
When I became 40 and I started thinking that I wasn't young forever. I read a music magazine "ele-king" and got surprised at the fact that music writers in that magazine spoke about movies so much. I thought that "people on the frontline must watch so many movies as basic knowledge". So I started watching movies from that time. I did a great effort, but it is just a "readymade". But probably I could learn how to watch movies physically. I might be able to learn the breath of 2 hours of pleasure.
Reading Saburo Kawamoto and Susumu Sogo, and learning movies day by day. But of course, there still remain the things I have never known in movies, literature, and music. Digging unknown things and keeping on learning. This movement is the meaning of life. I started thinking like that (I remember Coco Chanel says the same truth). Staying still at the same point can't be allowed. We say "a rolling stone gathers no moss". The secret that I can work and move actually instead of being a hikikomori might be that kind of "hyperactive" nature (as Takafumi Horie says). But, of course, I won't say that hikikomori must be absolutely bad.