BGM: Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
Tomorrow I will go to see my doctor again to talk about various issues I have, and get some medicines. When I was a college student, and already had troubled so much to live on, a book I had read suggested I would meet any doctor at any clinic. So, I started this monthly meeting with the doctors by now. In the beginning, I thought I must need any strong medicines to cure my issues directly, and drastically (oh my!). But, after meeting my friends, I started thinking that I should clarify my issues by gazing with my eyes straight enough. Of course, doctors will help me. But also, the main person/character who always helps me is myself.
By the way, my mind certainly contains many memories of songs I have enjoyed during this life... Today I enjoyed remembering Radiohead's tunes in my head, especially the songs from the album "The Bends". When I was a college student and strictly believed that I was a powerless, hopeless guy (a kind of victim of this society), their songs (melodies and messages) cured me with their tenderness.
Indeed, even now my life sucks. It hurts, or simply always makes me down well. As I have written in this serial writing, I am not a strong guy who has always been blown by plenty of doubtful ideas. Radiohead's songs always cure me, and let me believe that that kind of weakness causes "our eternal itch", but therefore we can unify by that kind of feeling/empathy we have within our minds. Life sucks, but you are not alone... At least, I have accepted their songs as this, even though (really cynically) they have expressed how this world separates us from each other and drives us crazy cruelly.
Once an ex-boss said to me that I must have been a part-time worker, not a regular one. Yes, it must have been a silly rant so I should forget this, but I still remember with a hurtful memory... And at that period, I had even believed that I must have been an outsider, a true mistake of this modern society. Oh my! However, times have changed and my mind might have gotten a little bit tough enough... for me to believe in a certain self-esteem, a force in my mind as Radiohead has kept on expressing.
