BGM: Radiohead - My Iron Lung
Today I thought of the phrase "Do what you like". Probably it came from the reading of Toshiaki Kosakai's book. "Do what I like"... I have chosen the writing as "what I like". I have certainly kept on writing following Kafka and Rilke. I even thought that it could be my job. But...Do I will give up if I noticed that it wouldn't come true? This question brought me the answer that I wouldn't stop it. Because writing is pleasant, that's all. It just satisfies me simply so I would keep on doing it in my life.
When I was young and seeking my job as a freshman, I watched Masayoshi Son, the leader of the Japanese company Softbank, speaking to us that "Keep your dream". After that, my job hunting had to be stopped and I started drinking alcohol as I always write. Me, as the person who believed that it must be a loser, Masayoshi Son's that speaking sounded like a "winner's logic". You can say that beautiful thing because you are a winner... In other words, I believed that I must be weak and a chosen one in a miserable life, so I even believed I was a really powerless slacker.
I remember Radiohead's great song "Planet Telex". It says about the message from the cruel voice that says "Everything is broken, everyone is broken". I can't say that this song is nonsense because I even feel that this daily life might be dominated by a message. The message is "Keep your dream". You might hate me, but I say that if the message "Keep your dream" chased and crushed you, then you should fight against it and try to say that "I have no dream" or "Life is nonsense". Maybe that would be the beginning of your life.
Dreams might work as a kind of curse. Keeping your dream might let you understand the gap between your real state and dream, therefore you feel sick. Keeping your dream without understanding your limit might become a pressure. It makes you feel miserable because your life wouldn't go as your dream declares... But you might not be able to throw away the hope of "Dreams come true". At least, I never had any big dream or purpose. Every day I make this tiny achievement. About this diary, I have never made any big goals such as "I will keep on writing this during this year". Writing day by day, and becomes a great achievement. That's my way.