Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/17 English

Yesterday I enjoyed the meeting about autism. Maybe because of that, today I felt blue in the morning. I felt sick but I went to AEON because I could do nothing if I didn't eat something. At AEON, I wrote what I was feeling on my memo pad. In short, I did my routine. It's my private memo pad so I wrote a lot of selfish things. I got surprised by the words which come from me. I thought I would be alright if words still come from me. There is the source in me which contains the energy... it's instinct or curiosity?

I'm thinking about a student who attacked other people at Tokyo university. All I know is just the information news programs or the internet says, but I felt sad that he wanted to become a doctor and couldn't study well. Of course, if his effort makes his dream come true, that is awesome. But those kinds of uncontrollable facts make our lives profound I guess. I don't know how he was educated and what point of view he had, but I think it's foolish that he did that kind of injury because of those uncontrollable things. Although it sounds cruel...

I know the hardship of studying for joining university. It might be said that I was a successful person because I could join a good university. But joining a good university was not good for me. I don't think it made me happy. Good university and good company... are "decided" happiness I think. Of course, if you can believe that "decided" happiness can be your happiness, you should follow it. But if it isn't, you should chase your original happiness. I think my happiness is reading books and chasing my truth. I am doing so therefore I feel happiness.

I started attending the meetings about autism, and made a lot of "mates". With them, I have seen a lot of the scenery that people show their good characters and charms. They are quite unique people. I shouldn't hesitate to show myself. The things that flood me have the worth to be shown in this world... Life might be the process we chase our original and true happiness. We can decide what could be our happiness by ourselves. Ah, writing and sharing something as this let me live... I feel that.