2022/06/30 English

What is the meaning of 'happiness' for me? I'm thinking about this. If I started thinking about this question, I would remember the words of Yasujiro Ozu's movie's character. "If we wanted to do more, it could be never enough". Indeed, I even think about the possibility of becoming a great business person or a rich leader in another possible world. But if I were so, I would become another person who never knows the meaning of failure I have experienced. Therefore I would become a more 'flat' person (yes, it might sound bold). I could be happy? I can't see.

Ah, once I had thought/believed that I must be a victim of the failure of politics or the economy. As I always say, I am a person from the 'lost generation'. My life has been influenced by stupid politics or silly policies of Japan... I believed so. Even I declared so in the articles of my blog. What a stupid attitude. Indeed, it is important to declare a good life to the outer world. But if I had no attitude of controlling my life by myself, my life would be empty because I would be just moved by the outside. I have to have a principle in myself.

A certain principle... I remember Fishmans that I have listened to again and again. The most musician I have listened to. Once I had been shocked by their 'Camping in the air', and the situation they expressed impressed me. Quietly but exactly, being separated from becoming bigger, accepting 'now'. Even if other people said I would be miserable, I would follow 'my' principle inside myself... Indeed, this is dangerous. If I followed this too much, then I would have to accept the extreme opinion like 'I could kill someone for my happiness'. Then I have to think that why my happiness couldn't destroy others' rights...

My happiness wouldn't destroy others' rights... Why? Because my happiness might be created not only by myself but by my relationship with others. This might be beyond logic. I had been hated and laughed at by others, so once I had been haunted by a serious suspicion to others. Even after becoming a student of Waseda, I trusted others as enemies so I couldn't make friends. But now I try to love the outer world and want to be 'open-minded'. But why? I can't see. I might have to follow Charles Bukowski's wisdom of his words "Life's as kind as you let it be"...