I'm reading Yoshimichi Nakajima's "Nietzsche: Living in nihilism". Yoshimichi Nakajima blames the Japanese atmosphere that people read Nietzsche's philosophy as a clean or poisonless one. People try to read him as something safe and easy... I have to admit that I am also the person who read Nietzsche as a soft and positive thing. Of course, it shows my laziness which leads me to understand him quickly so I have to be ashamed. In this reading, I noticed that Nakajima asks us the question 'how to live a better life?' by quoting Nietzsche. What is the meaning of 'living a better life'? It seems an easy question but I can't get any good or exact answer if I try to think about this one in my head only.
Someday we will die. This is our fate. Nakajima looks at this fact. I have to follow him and look at this. Then, I might reach the answer like this. It would be a waste of time if we had to look at that fate and accept our death. Once I thought so. We can't run away from this fate... Once I had thought that I would die one day so everything must be s**t. Or the fact that I was here must be a 'mistake'. I believed so and wished the death at 40. So I drank a lot of alcohol.
Now I have stopped drinking alcohol for over seven years. Of course, I have never been free from the fact that I must die. But I believe that my current life must be better than the one when I drank a lot. Of course, I won't say I must be always perfect! I say various strange things and make a lot of mistakes. But, following Nakajima, I am exactly finding a certain meaning in 'building' or 'remaking' my life. That's my opinion. Indeed, how better I make myself, I will die. My mind and body will disappear (maybe).
But (I believe that) I'm feeling a strong pleasure or ecstasy because I can provide some happiness to others and help this world. This fullness can't be explained by any logic. It is very physical as the pleasure of doing sports or eating good meals. It must be felt by 'this body itself'. Yes, this pleasure is only mine and I can't deliver this to you (even if I try to express it in my language). I think it is not understandable by thinking of the fact that psycho killers must have another sense of pleasure. But I choose the rude behavior. I throw 'my' philosophy to you like this. Just like Nietzsche and Nakajima tries to do so.
