BGM: Sade - Love Is Stronger Than Pride
This morning I enjoyed the morning meeting on zoom via Facebook. The topic was about the smoking habit in France (the society started prohibiting that in any public spaces.) And we did talking about addiction. I talked about my alcohol addicted period, and also the current sober life. The other members showed their interests in my story. I've felt that I am really glad to see their interests.
I worked late today. This morning, I've read Koutarou Sawaki's public journal "246". I always use the web service "bookmeter" to record my reading, and it says that I've read this book about four times. Once, I preferred not to read this kind of "nonfiction" because I had been into a great "dreamy" or "fantastic" world which let me forget this reality. In other ways, fictional worlds could have such a great power/charm for me to forget that. But, now I'm eventually finding that the reality can have a certain miraculous essence.
That Sawaki's "246" describes his life with a stoic, diligent attitude. I've found that he can write an ordinary life with really great, solid style. It is really unique and splendid. This state of expression/representation is what/where I always want to arrive/achieve.
But - I ask this to myself. Why? Why do I have an interest in this kind of extremely ordinary, in a way, boring and barren books? Now, I can find that I am not interested in any fictional, magical fiction books (although I have been interested in Dickens's long stories, Fitzgerald, and Raymond Chandler's "The Long Goodbye" etc.) Maybe this change in my mind has been caused by the trial of quitting alcohol. I eventually have found this simple, primal fact: Life is wonderful.
And, I remember the notorious AUM (which has been treated as a anti-social cult in Japan.) They once tried to salvage us from this material, s--t world. I won't allow their murders. But I guess their attitude can have a certain "goodness." I might keep on writing this topic more. The AUM has effected my policy of living this s--t world as toughly as I can.