BGM: Deacon Blue - Dignity
Today was a day off. This morning a friend sent me an interesting message. It says that the memorial day of Yukiko Okada, a Japanese famous idol, is coming. Ryuichi Sakamoto's "Ballet Mechanique" was, at first, for that Yukiko Okada. The lyric says that "I have the beginning and the end", and "music, everlasting music". This means that our life certainly has the limit but music can sound forever. This is the meaning of that song... It suggests me a profound message. I can't know "true" Sakamoto's message, but for me, my life will end one day. Looking at that limit of my life, I can open myself for the possibility of producing something forever... this reminds me of Prefab Sprout's "Carnival 2000". "Lives come and go but life no denial".
This morning, the sky was still clouded. I went to Aeon, where I read "Koutarou Sawaki Sessions: Ecstasy and awakening". Suddenly, I thought about the topic in this book, "do you believe in reincarnation?". This might be the theme "Eternal Return" by Nietzsche. I can't accept this "reincarnation" as an actual one. If I believed that, then it would become an attitude of denying the current life. Not being satisfied with this life, but believeing in another life as their lifestyle... that style would be the desire of playing another person's life, or living different life virtually. The former attitude would product many fiction, and the latter would product non-fiction. I want to live this life so can't choose which I would, and writing the current life as a journal. If I were born again as a different thing/person... Yosui Inoue sings that "If the life had the second one". But I guess it would be exhausted if I should live another life, or many lives again and again. It must be hard.
This afternoon, it started raining so I spent my time at a group home. Listening to Deacon Blue's "Raintown", I read Koutarou Sawaki's "246". This is a journal by Koutarou Sawaki, and it delivers the "steady and cool" life of him. In this book various famous people appear, but his daily life isn't decorated too much. Sawaki does his tasks step by step. Reading the books, watching movies and writing. He keeps on saving his styles, the way of writing and also living until this book's ending. I can feel comfortable with that saving. TBH I started reading his books nowadays, but I am thinking that I could follow his stoic life as my life. Of course, I am not a pro writer, and also have many difference from Sawaki. I shouldn't ignore them and adore blindlessly. I have to live my life.
This night, I went to the "danshu" meeting. I attended that via a video calling from my group home because of raining. A member who has quit alcohol for over 5 years was praised by others. Me, I have quit alcohol for about 8 years. 8 years ago, the 3rd of April, that day I decided not to stop... and it lead me to here now. A long way... but it still continue. After that, I read Koutarou Sawaki's "Their Style". In that book, a writing that tells about various radio programs attracts me. A kind of radio program that accepts listener and radio personality's serious conversation that we can still enjoy now. They confess their worries, and the personality listens to... Then I thought that Twitter or the blogs like mine will work as a place to "vent" various things. The worries and anger in their mind. I am also venting a lot of things therefore I can heal myself. And, through listening to that kind of program, some readers can be saved and embraced by this kind of writing. All I write is just silly things, but this entry could arrive to the room of any lonely people.
