BGM: Blur - Popscene
It was raining today. This morning I read "Koutarou Sawaki Sessions: For connecting stars" with listening to Blur's "Modern Life Is Rubbish". Blue is a group I have loved from my college days. Suddenly, I thought what the current 40s and 50s people think in their lives. Me, I have lived just freely with an easy-going attitude like a student...I thought if I should write something which appeals to the same generation as me. But I don't want to be any alpha blogger or opinion leader. I want to write from the bottom of this world as Brady Mikako says. I just want to write the truths I see or I feel by this myself. It means that I don't want to appeal myself to become famous or sell my name I guess.
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This year I will become 48. Looking back at my life, I understand how I have lived randomly and freely. I was really reckless and foolish... but I never have any policy, but, indeed sometimes I got drunk, I chose the ways guided by my hunch. Those results of choices lead me to here. Reading Haruki Murakami, Shinji Miyadai, Koutarou Sawaki... those reading were just the way to killing time for me, but those random reading is certainly becoming a tool to connect the stars in myself to make a constellation. Or, even the experiences from my life can be connected as a constellation in myself. Quitting alcohol, learning philosophy, learning English, autism...in me, reading Wittgenstein, learning English, and thinking autism can be connected as one. That might be possible because I am already over 40s. Then, I must be thankful for this life.
After reading Koutarou Sawaki for a while, I read David. J. Charmers "Reality+" for a while. In this book, Charmers ask us what can be the reality. This is quite a primal question therefore difficult to answer. Now, the virtual reality is exactly developing. It means that "alternative reality" is being built step by step. In that situation, we shouldn't say that "the reality is the world for us" because it is not actual or real. Reading this book, I feel that I am living in the era our point of view is being rewritten by various technologies. Then, how that point of view is being changed? I work, read, sleep. Those activities are being a piece of real world. And that real world is changing drastically.
A woman who reads my diary from Russia and I exchanged some messages on Facebook and WhatsApp. She sent me an honest opinion which says I should write the topics which would attract the readers' interest more because it's public. At first, I wrote as "it's just my hobby, and also I want to write freely without any worries". But her passion (she writes her comments every day) made me think again as "I should think about this again". If I were 10 years younger, maybe I would say just "leave me alone". But now I think "it might be a good opportunity to change my style". But what kind of topic would attract dear readers' interest? If you have any opinions as "I want to read about this", then send me them. Feel free... but I can't say that I would be able to answer them definitely...
