BGM: Ocean Colour Scene - The Day We Caught The Train
Today I worked late. This morning I wrote some ideas on my memo pad with Kotarou Sawaki's "Chain Smoking". Although it can sound strange, it's a fact that I can't remember the things I forgot completely. I write the memo because I don't forget the ideas, but the function of forgetting things is just a waste? It was for over 2 years since I started writing my memo and diary in English, and I can see how many things I forgot until now by reading them again. Even today, I certainly felt huge anxiety this morning. But, after going out of my group home, I tried to enjoy Bowling For Soup's music and Koutarou Sawaki then I could get recovered. In short, I forgot the anxiety. How should I treat this function of forgetting things?
Forgetting precious things... For example, as a fact, I have read this "Chain Smoking" a few times. But I have forgotten almost all of that content. I would forget it even from now. Then reading can mean as a waste of time? I just want to enjoy the words which go through my brain, so it's OK... thinking about this lets me think an episode Keijirou Suga tells us in his "Don't worry because we can't read any books completely". A Japanese legendary intellectual, Kazuo Watanabe, read a book which he had read once seriously (he even tried to write something on its pages). Me, I can't remember Junichiro Tanizaki's "Naomi" completely even though I had read it once passionately. But it's a life.
A Facebook user invited me to an online meeting on Next Sunday. I tried to make my schedule to join it. I have to gain the skill of speaking and listening as the ability of English, so I hope I can make practice about them... maybe I would keep on learning English in the rest of my life. Learning English has a severe way. It must be profound. I couldn't complete that learning. I am thankful for English because this learning leads me to another connection and broadens my world. I talked with a Russian woman on WhatsApp and she taught me about that meeting. How would it work? I just do what I can do with the spirit of "I am no one else".
By the way, Koutarou Sawaki must have many topics to write. I'm now reading "Chain Smoking" after "Bourbon Street", and find that every essay gives me many clues to write my diary like this. How can he find these topics? I want to write how I misunderstood in the past like Sawaki. In English, I once used to say "I enjoyed itself" instead of "I enjoyed myself" (other people would think that is strange). I misunderstood that Masaaki Hiraoka. a Japanese critic, named his book as "Marilyn Monroe: Chase that hip". These things are really embarrassing so I can't forget, but it seems they have a worth to remember because I can write some writings by them.