BGM: Pet Shop Boys - Liberation
The temple Saikouji, where always helps me, had made a newspaper. TBH they had taken my writing as a piece of content of that. Today I worked late, and when, this morning, I went to AEON and started reading Kenichi Yoshida's "Past of Tokyo", a person talked to me. We had met each other at the English conversation class so we were a kind of friends. He had read that newspaper and had an interest in my activity. Seeing my reading a book and writing memo in English, he said "Ah, you are always studying, aren't you?". I answered "No. I just don't know another way of spending time". I felt certainly that this is a countryside city's life. It is a narrow town so we learn each other soon. Through the newspaper, the network of this rural city's community connects us finely. In a way, it is a closed grouping. But I love this firm network. We talked a lot friendly.
People often get impressed by my activity and say that "you are always studying". But I never think I am doing so as I always write. In addition to, I never think I want to become someone through that "studying". I just do reading as a way of killing boring time, so I don't build something through this life. In short, I am just a kid. Although ordinary/normal people try to build their lives steadily with bringing children up and making their families, I can't have any interest in that kind of life so dive into vast sea of books with dreamy mind and spend my days without any responsibility. If I chose beautiful words, it could mean that I am full of curiosity of knowledge. Huge curiosity moves/controls me, and I get thirsty for unknown things. Oh, I am just a kid. Never being orthodox. I am living like a student or monk for various knowledge even though I am getting old enough. Why do I read such many books? How do I want to be?
But, as a conclusion through reading various literature by now, I think that this life is like a big white canvas. As the book I read today, "Past of Tokyo" says, I can draw freely in that white canvas (of course, unless hurting or disturbing someone's right). Life is basically free, aggressive, and dangerous. Reading "Past of Tokyo", I got impressed by the conversation between intelligent people in that novel. Kenichi Yoshida tries to express various ways of dynamism in that book. The characters talked about a lot of their imagination which go beyond the wall of their bias. That seems that they have great smartness which can't be jailed in a narrow island country of Japan. I sometimes try to put myself into some narrow jail of imagination or thoughts. That should be nonsense... I feel that it is the message of the author. People are basically free from everything. Or we can become more freely if we wish. I want to see that principle, not to be jailed by that "staying now and living here".
Today was my father's birthday (it is easy to remember because today is in Japan as "children's day"). I sent a celebration message on LINE to him. Ah, I have been suffered from our discord... since I started working at the current workplace (as I always write), he had not tried to understand my life. "Quit such a silly job!", and "I had children when I was young as you", he said these things to me. We even beaten physically and actually each other... but now, I send him messages as a bad son. Now we have good relationship. It can be a certain progress or growing up. Indeed, we had a hard time, but it will end someday. Listening to Steve Reich, I finished reading Kenichi Yoshida. After that (I was reading other books actually!), I started reading Mieko Kanai's long romance. That romance was quite interesting so I forgot passing time. I was just soaked into that splendid pleasure... what a rich time to go. This life is colored beautifully by various books to make a firm shape of it.