Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/03/19 English

Today I worked early. I read Kenichi Yoshida's "Time" and also did my work. By Yoshida's writing, I thought about time. I can read Kenichi Yoshida and Yoshikichi Furui because I have got to be at this age. When I was young, I tried to read Yoshida's "Time" and Yoshikichi Furui's "Karioujyouden Shibun" and "Sansouhu" with effort but could understand nothing and even felt pain with those readings. I also thought that I was not mature so I couldn't do it, and I felt I was an idiot. Yes, that idea itself was foolish. I remembered that sad past memory.

With that experience, I believe that we can meet the books at exact moments. They are not too fast or too late. Once I read an essay of "international journalist" and found that he laughed at the person who read "The Brothers Karamazov" at his late stage. I am the person who read "The Brothers Karamazov" by Hiroki Kashiragi's writings, and I believe that we can meet "The Brothers Karamazov" anytime because that encountering might remain a precious moment. I guess that mentality of laughing at that encountering of other people is the same as the one of laughing at 'lost virgin' (sorry for the dirty topic). Do it forever, that's all.

I let my novel's character quote a sentence of Kenichi Yoshida's "Time" by chance. "We are just living and that is the meaning of life, and we have no purposes of life and that's OK. It's the same as sleeping when we haven't slept, or eating foods when we feel hungry". This sounds like a mantra but is easy to understand. "we have no purposes of life and that's OK". The important thing is just this. Being born in this world and live, and die with no purpose. What an anarchy way of thinking! I am attracted by such a great idea.

I adore great people. Kiyoshiro Imawano, Shinji Sato, Kenichi Yoshida, Komimasa Tanaka, Kazushi Hosaka, Hisaki Matsuura. I have been influenced deeply by those people. And now, I am writing my novel 'A blue car' with thinking that I want to write my philosophy even if I can reach those people's stage. I had been born in this world. That might be nonsense, but never any 'mistake'. I won't be able to become a successful person. But how miserable I am looked by other people, I enjoy my anarchy and funny life in my mind or my head. That's OK and it's alright.