BGM: Green Day "Wake Me Up When September Ends"
When I was a child, I was always afraid of being scolded or laughed at by other people at any time. So I still sometimes think about if others blame or scold me. That makes me afraid. Even I thought that the fact that I have been born in this world might be a mistake. And I thought that I wanted to ask about this my classmates even though we had already graduated from school... now I don't have such a ridiculous idea. But sometimes I think that how they live or how they look at me and think... although I never think I want to go to our 'reunion' meeting.
Hate, Anger... I remember that I had such a huge emotion in myself and tried to live my life. On writing something on the internet, I thought I had been a public enemy to this world. Yes, I was young. But a day like today I remember that past memory and think about the life that has been supported by hate and anger. Indeed, that could produce something great. But I never think it could be a happy life. It could be the process of hurting oneself. Now I want to love myself, and also this world. I want to live and write something by great love.
This afternoon I read Akihiko Reizei's "The 11th September". Since that, over 20 years passed. But Reizei's writings are still actual therefore this book can have worth being read again. Neither just nationalism Nor Anti-globalism decides as America must be evil, Reisei starts from an action like this. He looks at real-life in America as a resident there and tries to wave his words by the senses he had sensitively. He tries to tell us a new point of view by the people who are trying to live together beyond races, nations, and cultures. I had sympathy for him. This work must be underrated in my opinion.
And also, I attended Judith's room on Clubhouse. We talked about the topic that who/what influences us. I thought in my case that something out of myself must influence me, but also something that comes from myself can influence me. Emotion lets me show tears if my heart is moved... that is uncontrollable and therefore makes me think various things, and also gives me the motivation to move on. I remember that the French poet Arthur Rimbaud said "I am the other one". Me, this myself is basically always an unknown being, and therefore precious one. I might be a miracle... is it just from self-love?