I went to a library and borrowed Hitoshi Nagai's "The philosophy for children" and Nietzsche's "On Genealogy of Morals". Hitoshi Nagai's this book was the one I had read again and again when I was a student at Waseda. And it still brings me something profound. It's a new and excellent book. I sometimes think that I still might be a child. Yes, I will be 47 this year. But all I think about is the questions I had when I was a child. Primary questions... Hitoshi Nagai's profound and dangerous one lets me think about that kind of question deeper. I might go into the philosophical days again.
Why I am myself? And why I am not anyone else? I am always inside myself. I can't go out of this myself. This fact lets me ask like that. Yes, it's a difficult question. Once I asked this question to the world again and again. I was always an extraordinary being so I can't stop asking that... Why does my behavior goes strange even if I try to act normally? Why am I so strange? I thought about this again and again, and in the end, I thought that being born in this world would be a very shameful fact. I can remember those bitter days.
I read Nietzsche and Wittgenstein. I try to understand the concept of "eternal recurrence" by Nietzsche with my body, my instinct. "Eternal recurrence" has no scientific evidence so we can throw that concept as a delusion (and that is not a silly action). But, when I was working I felt a certain pleasure. And I even thought that this pleasure would last. My life's process would exist to lead me to this stage... and I even thought that I could celebrate this life with Nietzsche. His philosophy must be the one we have to enjoy with our bodies. It goes beyond some logic.
People sometimes say that I am smart. But I don't think I am so. I think that I have a keen sense. Following that sense, doing the things I have wanted to do. It leads me to here. I guess it is not wrong. On reading or working... Catching the groove of this world, I decide on the next behavior by my hunch. It leads me to read the books on human brains and philosophy. Or it lets me express something in English. I have never had any tactics. I just do what I want to do. But people even call that laziness of me a sign of smartness. That's life...
