BGM: Bob Dylan "World Gone Wrong"
Next Thursday I am going to do a presentation at the online meeting with my friends. I want to talk about a self-help group that I have committed to since it was started. I learned a lot of important things from that group. I have done terrible mistakes and felt ashamed there. But other members always have given me the chances of recovery so I got really mature and have been able to show poor myself casually (indeed, this might sound strange). I have been mature which allows me to think any failures won't rob my dignity away. Yes, this is very precious.
Basically, I am really weak and imperfect. I am never cool. But, this is just my life and also myself so I have to accept them. I can accept myself and love it. Now, I can see myself with tranquility or calmness. Once, I believed strictly that the fact I have been born and also being here must be terrible mistakes. I don't think so. Being here and being alive must contain an important meaning. Or my life would be the quest of seeking for them.
By the way, maybe autumn is coming(although I wrote this yesterday), today I just listened to Eric Clapton's "Unplugged" and Bob Dylan's albums in the 90s. When I was young, I was just an idiot so tried to understand cool music like Curtis Mayfield. I don't need to try to be an adult. If the time comes, I might be able to understand them. Now, Bob Dylan's music is awe-inspiring because I got old enough. With his masterpieces, I thought I wanted to read Louise Gluck's poems in English. I have to try to practice reading something in English.
Reading something in English... I might have to try to read Don Delillo's paperback "Underworld" which has been drought on my bookshelf. TBH I have only read two books in English. What a shame! I want to enjoy reading something. I should get used to... Where am I going? What do I want to do? I think about them but can find no answers. Probably, just sitting still and thinking about them might bring me no answers. That kind of question is it. Stand and walk somewhere. Move. Then, I would find something...