I have kept on writing my diary in English and Japanese every day. This diary has been kept for over 300 days. People sometimes say that I must be fluent in speaking English because I can keep on doing that. No way. Native readers always correct my mistakes in English severely and the mistakes aren't decreasing. But I like using English and expressing something so have kept on doing it until now. English is comfortable for me. This shows these facts. At first, my skill of English is not good. But I like English. I want you to know these two points. I need no license to express myself in English, so I keep on doing it.
I, the person who tries to express myself in English, am using a memo pad of Mnemosyne which is released by Maruman. I write my ideas in English directly. Of course, sometimes I wonder how to express my thoughts by translating from Japanese to English. But basically, I write the thoughts that come above my consciousness automatically. I write them as I like because no native readers read and correct them. Then, I can feel that English words that come from my brain, or my body naturally (even if there was a mistake... or there were a lot of ones). I started this training a year and a half ago, and now I might get a habit of thinking things in English. Probably because of that habit, I can speak things in English naturally.
Because I've got the habit of thinking things in English, I can trust my English anywhere and anyplace. Of course, I make mistakes. Or I have to say that I make a lot of mistakes and therefore I have to feel embarrassed. But now, I can feel that shame is also a good experience (too nice?). This smartness might come from the reason why I can believe the alternative myself always speaks good English for me. Now, if I open my memo pad, I can think of various sentences in English. I say again. My English is full of mistakes. Native speakers would tell you the fact. But these mistakes might be funny, aren't they? I might be speaking very 'creative' English...
People tend to save themselves if they have to speak or use English. Or I should say that the past myself tends to save myself. I couldn't believe that the future myself started writing my diary in English. But I guess that expressing thoughts in English taught me how important trusting myself and enjoying my shame are. My motto is that English must be spoken by our hearts. Not by heads or brains. Important is that I should know we can't be always the same. People can change and grow up. That growth should be expressed by today's efforts. I'm also learning (I believe so).
