I write about learning English again. Once I met a woman on Clubhouse. She said that she tried to speak the things she wanted to say by translating from Japanese to English. She does the translation by herself. When I speak and write English, I think about them in English basically. It's difficult to explain why I can do such an activity. In my opinion, if we read and write English so much and our brains get used to the system of English, then they start to express our concepts in English naturally. In a way, our brains are similar to our muscles. As a friend of mine says, we have to do training of 'gymnastics' of thinking in English.
By the way, if I in my college days looked at this myself, then he must get impressed. Because this person who has never studied abroad and also never did TOEIC tests expresses his thoughts in English with false confidence. I always write various personal ideas and records in English on my smartphone and memo pad. I also chat with friends on Discord and WhatsApp (someone said my English is elegant. Of course, I feel very thankful for it). I write my diary in Japanese and English and sometimes go to an English conversation class to show my English. These things are what I have achieved through every day's practice/training.
The woman I said before said an impressive opinion. "I adore great speakers", "I wish I could speak like them". She compares herself with other speakers and therefore she shoulders a certain pressure by herself. I never compare myself with others. I am never the best speaker in the world (and I give up that I could never be the best at how I would learn English). But the speaker I am here is just this only one in the world, therefore I must be a precious and absolute one. So I am always trying to accept myself and speak from that state. That might let people think that I am full of confidence.
Today I went to a 'danshu' meeting. I talked about my experience again. The word 'stop drinking and reborn' was impressive to me. Not only stop drinking but live every day carefully. The key person of the 'danshu' group said that 'danshu' meetings are the place we should see how we progress. For me, I can feel how I can progress from the past by talking about every day's life and the things I have noticed. These things become my false confidence I guess. I have walked far from my past sad drunken days exactly. Compare with that past myself and praise the current situation. Narcissist? Maybe, but so what?