TBH - I couldn't go to the workplace to do my work today, too. Yes, it's really embarrassing for me to confess, but I write this. This morning, a friend of mine sent me a LINE message, and it let me notice what I should do now. I sent a message to the job coach about the meeting we will have. I won't be able to hold it as a host, so I decide not to do it, etc. She sent me a message and it says "It's OK, and I am glad to hear that because you are treating yourself really kindly."
In other words, I have chosen that I did escape from everything. The facility manager of my group home asked me to tell about my worries, my problems. But I said I couldn't tell them because they must be so complicated. And also, they could contain a certain lewd staff (a terrible, twisted delusion.)
And... this is also shameful, but today I couldn't do anything. At least, I have escaped actually from this reality. Although I had wondered if I should write this, but I write (please let me vent everything.) As an addicted person (I am an alcohol addicted, shopping addicted, and also lewd stuff addicted one,) today I had been addicted into Discord. Enjoyed chatting, sought for various servers. Yes, this action won't lead me to anywhere. But, please forgive me. I decided I would go to start my work again from tomorrow.
A person on Discord sent me a severe, but really honest direct message. I read it, and - got confused. But a friend of mine gave me a tender suggestion, and also some users gave me messages. Besides those kindness, certainly I've been feeling various friendship from a lot of people. Within Discord - and also within the real world.
This evening, I felt that my mind started feeling bored on Discord so changed my mind's direction. I read Akira Abe's fictional diary (阿部昭『緑の年の日記』.) It afforded me how great this actual life can be. But now, it seems not to be written about it as a book review. Yes, I have been still tired - tired of everything, everything.