BGM: Speech - Ask Somebody Who Ain't (If You Think The System's Workin' ...)
I remember... it was fifteenth years ago today that a terrible incident happened. The Akihabara Massacre. I learned about that on Discord and thought why it should be happened once again. Of course, I won't affirm that incident completely. But I guess that "I" could be the person who had done such a terrible massacre. It could be done by a piece of chance. No, I "absolutely" believe that I could be like him. Probably I could have lived my life without erasing or overcoming my trauma or current inferiority complex. I can remember that once I had kept a certain emotion, huge hate, to the world. Every person except me could live a happy life, or a richer life than me without worrying the future... And I thought "Why should I have been bullied at schools? Why should I live in such a miserable rural city?". Indeed, I don't want to say that I can have a sympathy with the criminal easily, but I have to think the distance between the two things. Trying to understand his truth and killing someone actually.
As I always write, I have started writing my memo in English from the period the corona panic had begun. This is a kind of my practice of writing English, and now I can feel that my English can come from me relatively smoothly. That made me think about the greatness of the quote "Practice Makes Perfect". And also I thought what has been changing in me by learning English like that. I remember one of my favorite movies "Arrival". It's the movie which describes a linguist's trial of understanding the language of another creature from unknown planet. And it also tells us how her recognition of this world can be changed by that trial. I can see that. Me, learning English means "my circuit of thinking which I relying on basically has been changed drastically". But is it true? Am I actually changing? I hope I could go forward step by step... although I have been writing the same opinions every day.
This morning, I attended the meeting of English conversation on ZOOM via Facebook, at where we learned English from an Indian person. The topic was about the Japanese language which was also my mother tongue. We were surprised at the fact that he had learned really sensitive and difficult Japanese to pass the exam. Even though I am a native, the language he was learning seemed difficult... And we also talked about the difference between Japanese and English, and the personal information of the members. We told about ourselves each other (Where we are living, what do we do, etc...). A host cared about me a lot so I have been grateful for it. I said that "I'm interested in American and British culture", and that Indian person said "India is also good!". I have to reflect that I had considered that Europe and America could be "the foreign countries". But I don't know about India well, so I think that I should have talked about another favorite movie "Slumdog Millionaire" (although that movie has been criticized as a "too stereotype" one).
This evening I enjoyed an online meeting with friends on ZOOM. At first we talked about the election in this town in this spring, and we also talked about the politic. After that, we enjoyed small talk about the English conversation class I have been attending, and also the meeting of archeology another member will enjoy. Finishing that, I went to the room another friend had opened on clubhouse and talked about the English memo I had wrote above. Oh my goodness! I can feel that I am really, absolutely into the English learning activities. However, I never want to think that "English is more sophisticated than Japanese" and "English is perfect". I can find the opinions as "English is really simple language so we can't train the ability of thinking abstract things" or "No, the Japanese is really an irrational one". For me, both are too simple and therefore having no worth to believe. I want to stay steadily to learn, and also keep on thinking step by step permanently... Oh, I am too serious. I might need a spirit of trying to be a jester to go beyond the wall of languages lightly. Like Tonikaku Akarui Yasumura's brilliant performance.
