BGM: Ryuichi Sakamoto - Undercooled
It was 35.7℃. Last night, I thought what records I would choose as the "desert island records" to post on Discord. This means that "what ones I would bring to the desert island to enjoy?", a classic question. Me, if I follow the current mood, I would choose Ryuichi Sakamoto and Fennesz's "condre" and Aphex Twin's "Selected Ambient Works Volume 2", etc. But I shouldn't forget Brian Eno (no, I should Eno's works to the urban situation), and also want to choose Little Tempo's "Ron Riddim". Referring to this kind of "desert island records" or like that, I never go to any desert island actually. But thinking this kind of selection is funny although it might look weird. If I choose that kind of books, I will choose Haruki Murakami's "Distant Drums" and a travelogue by Koutarou Sawaki. But I shouldn't forget Susumu Sogo's columns. It tells me that I would choose the same books wherever I go. Oh my gosh! I'm really stubborn.
This morning I still thought about this "desert island records". Maybe because by that thinking, I made a big mistake. I went to the workplace and started working at a wrong time. Of course, I should be ashamed of that. It would be from my autism so I have to reflect on how I should manage my tasks. I have to face this troublesome autism, so I have to share my failures honestly to let readers learn how an autistic person lives in his life. "An example of ordinary events from an autistic person". Oh my gosh. I am growing up? Today was so called "World Autism Awareness Day" but no one talked about this in my workplace. My co-workers don't talk about autism too. There is a difference between "common sense around me" and "common sense of my workplace". It might make me crazy because of that. But it's the real life.
I always have an obsession of "my life must end someday". Yes... but recently I read Jakucho Setouchi, a Japanese female writer, and learned from her words that "I am let by God to live this life". It would be a clue to live my life I guess. In short, "I will die someday" is a clear fact, but "I am not dying now" is also a fact. "I am let by God to live", then "I have to be dutiful to the fact and learn something from that fate". This is a change of thinking. I can never see this would work actually, but I shouldn't feel that I have a guilty to live, and also never have to feel sorrow to live this life. I live this life, so I want to enjoy the pleasure of this life.
This evening, I attended a online meeting on ZOOM. I made a fatal careless mistake and was being late to there about an hour. I am really sorry... but the host and other members welcomed me so I could enjoy the meeting. It was a lesson of English but I couldn't listen to the conversations, therefore I have to practice the skill of listening. At that time, a news that said "Ryuichi Sakamoto had passed away" came suddenly. When I began having an interest in music, the Japanese great group YMO was already broke up (but they got reunion later). So Ryuichi Sakamoto was already a "world famous" musician who worked distant from Japan. Therefore I felt a distance from him, but his essays delivered me some friendly essences so I started enjoying his music. I never am agree with all of his opinion. He showed some fatal paradoxes, and also had brutal essences. But, even I understand those things, I accept his great intelligence. Rest In Peace.
