BGM: Sex Pistols - Holidays In The Sun
Ah, I throw myself into the time's flowing... and time passes so fast. Once I was suffered from the huge cold wave which brought terrible snow fall, but now it is certainly getting hotter. I understand that. Today it was a day off, and sadly raining. Because it was humid for me, I chose reggae music to enjoy during usual reading time at AEON as my hunch suggested. Augustus Pablo which I had enjoyed yesterday, King Tubby, and Bob Marley... If I describe that as any genre, it will become as rocksteady and dub. But I couldn't read well, so I went to Miraiya bookstore to "watch" what kinds of books have been sold. Then I found Ryuichi Sakamoto's newly released book so I bought it. I started reading, and remembered his death because that book had a "catchphrase" of praying and praising him. Yes, I can't listen to his new ones. But time goes by really soon so I can't stay quiet. It is getting into the time I should listen to my eternal classical summer tune, Scha Dara Parr's "サマージャム'95".
Reading that book by him, I think about Ryuichi Sakamoto again. His enigmatic humanity, charm, and charismatic character. I understand that he must be one of the important leaders of our era or this world. But, at least according to this book, although he was such a great genius he never showed any "bold" essence of his humanity which says as his comments "I'm, I'm!". Just like everything was a process for him. Standing on the glorious stage as a Yellow Magic Orchestra's member, or becoming a world famous musician through various works with Nagisa Ohshima and Bernardo Bertolucci. He seems never enjoying those glory or self-love as a marvelous maestro. And I also can't feel any uncool or earthy (we Japanese describes this kind of character as "muddy") from him even though he had been trying his efforts every day steadily. Natural, or as a Japanese proverb says "staying softer will rule the world's solid strength". Therefore those words he spoke can be felt from the "equal" state of stage, so they never are from any establishment. I thought it was a good book as a heritage.
And, I tried to thought what are the same between that Sakamoto and I. Me, I can remember that I couldn't answer anything to adults when I was asked "how do you want to be when you become an adult?". That is the same one as Sakamoto. I am not good at thinking through any distant time, over the gap of passing time (so I can't even think about any plan of tomorrow). My sense of time has a fatal bug or misfunction... and I overlap my life onto Sakamoto's life. Why did I go to Waseda? Unbelievable. This must sound harmful and blasphemous, but at the workplace I once was said as "btw, you are from Waseda, aren't you?". That was really shameful and I got blush terribly. Indeed, people might envy this kind of past. But once, for me, it was a terrible fact so I had to shame on myself. It was a thing to be hide. Even now, I feel hesitate to open that as "Yes, from Waseda. What's a problem?". So I decide not to talk about that at the workplace.
I am going to do a presentation at an online meeting with my friends. At there, I want to talk about Discord. But through I was thinking about that, my idea exactly changed as "a life with Discord". Ah... I have "my ever changing moods" as The Style Council sings. Like cat's eyes, my truth changes rapidly (maybe this diary already told that to you before)... I talked about that on MeWe. I am a basic, 100% Japanese so English is the one I have learned with this life eventually. Indeed, I can live my daily life without speaking English, but it is for me an important essential language to heal my soul and keep my cool head. I try to write about "my truth" onto my white screen. Why do I learn English? How should I learn? For me, learning is a marvelous pleasure, a great activity. I can enjoy learning even though I am actually getting old... about that, a MeWe friend said to me as "You are diligent and faithful". Oh my gosh, it is really "glorious" for me. BTW, how the presentation will be?
