BGM: PSY・S - Cubic Lovers
Today was a day off. This morning I went to the library and borrowed Nobuko Morita's book "Philosophy with children". It was a really profound book. It tells us how our being in this world can be remarkable. I am in this world now... Once I lived with thinking "if I weren't born". Because of autism I was terribly laughed at and hated, therefore I had that kind of idea. Maybe everybody would live happier than now... I certainly thought that in my childlike mind. I am glad to meet this book.
Today I attended the afternoon "danshu" meeting. I met a person who had just started attending recently. Listening to her story, I remembered the time I had just attended this meeting. Indeed, my anxiety had gotten bigger because I have to live my life without any alcohol. For me at that time, alcohol was the thing that saved my life like a Rosario. So anxiety was really big. Finally, I started enjoying the connection within the "danshu" meeting and also the things I really like (reading books, listening to music, and watching movies). That recovered me little by little. I enjoyed that meeting because of the interesting and pleasant communication.
Reading "Philosophy with children" step by step, I remembered the period in me when becoming an adult was a fear Does it mean becoming another person? Shouldn't I become an adult straightly because I am so strange? ...now I can find that was just "too much thinking" and "worrying so much", but at that time it was a serious problem,. I think that the distance between this myself which had such a childish problem and various cults such as AUM was near. Maybe I became a believer in those kinds of cults, but I could stay in this material world. It was really near to me. What is life? Enigmatic...
This evening I attended the "danshu" meeting and met the person who had come this afternoon. I talked about my story. Now she can't see what the "danshu" meeting is. Me, I was also guided by elder members and wondered about the unseen sober life. If she accepts today, the day she decided to stop drinking as a good day, then I can feel that is really pleasant. I can remember the day I watched a person, who had a serious handicap in his brain so couldn't speak smoothly, confessed his story. I hope today would be a remarkable day for her.