BGM: Senri Oe - POWER
Once, I had completely misunderstood how the life (or at least MY life) should be. I dreamed/adored the "ideal" life too much. It was for me like the celebrities' lives with instagrammable items. Maybe once, at that period, I had been a slave of this consuming world. I won't say now I am completely free from that kind of material desire, but I guess I have been learning what kind of items (they can be any reasonable, cheap things) can suit me. Some books, some music, and the connection with every precious friends. They let me live this life smoothly.
I learned the word "misogyny", which means the hate toward any feminine essences and people. Indeed, once I hated women... No. I say/confess this. Once, I thought women as my commodities. The things I could "use" to live my life comfortably... so I hadn't thought about their free will, their personalities themselves. I am not such a smart person so maybe I treat them as tools unconsciously, but now I want to react/response to them with my intimacy and possible kindness.
Yesterday (the previous Wednesday), I attended to the "danshu" meeting and confessed my true story for the other members. The other members praised my attitude. I am now, again, feeling that everything must be unbelievable. A female friend also praised my honesty as a precious, great thing. Basically (although SHE could feel sad if she listens to this), I am a sly and horny person with dirty desire. But my traumatic days always tell me that I should be honest because my honesty can let me live this life comfortably.
The evening, I went to the city office to attend the meeting. That meeting's purpose was for reflection of the previous international Halloween festival in our city. We had some sushi and talked a lot. My life is really strange because I couldn't expect that my life would be like this since 40s. Now, the members my friends are increasing. I can find various people I respect everywhere. Quite a dream life.
