This is what I am always writing, and I admit that once I wanted to be famous, to sell my name so I did ridiculous things again. Just like writing various comments on various news with pretending to be a commentator on my blog... in other words, I wanted to fill my "esteem need". That means I couldn't be satisfied with the real world because people didn't treat me as a good person. We say that "selling soul to a devil", and I certainly wanted to sell my precious thing to become famous, to become an alpha blogger. I remember this and feel ashamed again.
Of course, I want to be read more than not to be read. But now I can recognize that truly precious people read my blog. So I just feel thankful for that fact. People might say that being satisfied with your current state stops your growth. But I believe that saying yes to the current state and wishing for growth will become one. Enjoying current happiness, learning English, and reading books more to become bigger... they make my writing deeper in my opinion. Ah, what a proud thing I wrote. I also feel embarrassed.
Suddenly I remember the movie "The Shawshank Redemption". In the movie, the main character saves his hope and decides to meet his friends again... in the isolated jail, for over 20 years, a man has kept his hope strictly and done his work, and finally, he gets his glory. I have worked in the same company for over 20 years too, and I also have been writing this diary for a year, and have done my training with the belief that says "keep on keeping on" (I guess). Indeed, there must be a difference between a movie and the real, but my effort which is based on for over 20 years is becoming real. Ah, the youth must be coming to me finally.
This evening, I had time so thought that I would watch the "The Shawshank Redemption", but I just spent that time doing nothing. This time must be the time great people like Mikio Shibayama spend watching movies and doing their training. I must think again. By the way, as I wrote, I have been writing my diary and chatting in English. How high my English becomes? Once I learned that Kenichiro Mogi was saying that he had been writing his articles in English on his blog, I was just impressed that this was the work of talented people. At that time, I never could imagine that I would write something in English to the world. Whatever will be, will be...?