BGM: The Beatles "In My Life"
I worked early today. This morning, I thought I had ended at last. I couldn't feel any motivation in me, and just felt I had gotten slightly cold. But when I arrived at my workplace and started my work, I felt that I could move as usual. Is this magic? I always have no confidence in my work. I never have it. If I thought about my work honestly as possible as I can, I should lose confidence in doing work. But, at least, I have a certain experience that had been made from the experience in 20 years or more. And I also have an inspiration that has been made from that experience. I move by relying on them. These two things do not belong to any logic, or my brain itself. They must be in a 'physical' territory in my body.
I can see that autumn is coming. We say that it suits reading books. What books I should read this season? I have stopped reading new releases. I also think that I don't want to follow the world by reading bestsellers. I just read the books I have, and also read the books by the authors I trust... Yes, this must be conservative, 'slack' reading... Today I tried to read Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving", but I could get nothing... Maybe because I worked a day. Yes, that could be. I couldn't stop yawning.
What is this? I work, read, sleep, and eat. This is life... I remind Haruki Murakami's "Super-Frog Saves Tokyo" by this living. I had become 20 years old in 1995 and was influenced by the Aum Shinrikyo incidents that happened this year. And by this incident, I learned about Shinji Miyadai who declared various aggressive opinions, and I thought he must be a new form of intelligence, and I had read many of his books. His term "Live endless daily life" is still alive in me. Indeed, we had to experience Great East Japan Earthquake and corona therefore it couldn't be any 'endless daily life'.
After that, I read several books and found that 'living endless daily life' must be the action that needs an adult or mature wisdom. Whatever happens, I should think by myself with my experiences or my memories that were slept in myself like Osamu Hashimoto. Also not losing my style and not selling out myself. I am neither a strong man nor a great man. Just a thinking reed as Pascal says. But I walk the different pass from others(exactly a back street) because my experience and my inspiration let me do so. What is this? I'm a kind of 'outsider'?