This morning I joined the room that a friend Cindy had opened on Clubhouse. I learned "how to speak English with confidence" with other members. We learned how to manage our voices' tone and volume, and after that, we talked about how to make the attitude as having certain confidence. I talked about 'Degawa English' there. The English Tetsuro Degawa speaks (you can find many interesting videos about Tetsuro Degawa on YouTube) is exactly poor but he tries to communicate with other people with honesty and passion. That positive attitude that does trials and errors shows his confidence and great spirit. I have to follow his honesty and passion (of course, I'm honest). Dear reader, you might have to see how his English works as a positive creation.
This afternoon I opened my room on that Clubhouse. This time I could speak about my story because Janne, who always joins my room, embraced me as usual. I met various members of the Shiso International Association, and I started attending the English conversation class they hold. I also learned how to cook miso soup and other lifehacks at the meetings about autism. The story developed from that, and we shared a lot of funny jokes and riddles. And also we shared what illness each member has and how we accept that and try to live with a positive spirit. We confessed to others (I told them about my autism and alcoholic addiction). It became quite a rare meeting.
I graduated from the English literature department of Waseda. But it didn't work as bringing me any confidence. I think it is not strange. In my opinion, what have I achieved 'outside' of myself doesn't work as a source of confidence (not always, but it can happen). We have to accept the 'core' characters of ourselves and then it might bring us confidence. Me, I have learned to look at and love myself who likes philosophy, literature, and learning English without concerning Waseda. It has brought me the ability to accept and love myself. It made me start my life... and, it is quite strange but many people have come to me. This room also became a rare chance of meeting interesting people. I believe that this chance was brought by my confidence.
At night, I attended the 'danshu' meeting. After that, I read Daizaburo Hashidume's "The First Language Game". The author tries to make Wittgenstein's life and philosophy very easy and clear. His hot style attracts me. We 'spin' our thoughts by languages. It means that we can't be apart from the system of languages. We have to accept that we are limited by various points of view that languages bring us. It also shows that 'Language Game' is the core concept that tells the current situation, which means every member has been in their closed rooms, and we can't run away from our ones. I have to learn from this book to notice my limit of recognization, or the fact I have been in my closed point of view.