Who's afraid of English?

I have a handicap which is called autism. This means that I have difficulty with communication or social living because of the character of my brain and therefore I can't do small talk or read the lines. Now is the age that autistic people are checked how the difficulty of autism is, and also supported from childhood to education, job matching, and life itself. But for me, it was 33 years old when my autism was found out. At that time, I had drunk a lot of alcohol and thought I wanted to die. When I was a kid, I was terribly bullied, and also I couldn't find any good job. I had depression and literally hand to mouth.

When I was 40, I met a woman who lived with her daughter who was also autistic in my town (I call her S. I fell in love with her daughter but it should be another story). I started making friends with S and also tried cooking or doing some lifehacks guided by her. S was once an English teacher so I showed her my English. "Clear and clean English!", S said so. I felt embarrassed but also glad to hear that. I remembered the past memory at that time. Once I was a user of Google+ and made friends with another user Ailin. She said, "Your English is good!".

That time was the time I started having confidence in my English. If I keep on expressing my thoughts in English, they can be delivered to Ailin, S, and my friends all over the world. Although I kept on writing book reviews and essays in Japanese, I started writing them in English. Indeed, it was not a plain way, but Ailin and S gave me advice and suggestions for my articles in English. I just kept on writing. As you know, learning languages should be started from the point of using and writing them steadily. If we kept on doing them, it could lead to an unexpected point. Once I thought of things in Japanese and translated them into English, but eventually, I started thinking and speaking in English.

These things can tell that we should see where are our motivations in ourselves. At first, we can make our plans for the future by improving our English or making careers up. And from these goals, we can check what is lacking in us now. Yes, it must be a way of learning. But we can keep on learning for the pleasure of our friends without having any big ambition or goals (like me). Yes, it must be a small motivation. But learning languages should be the pleasure of delivering or conveying things actually I guess (like Haruki Murakami says). I am still a friend of Ailin and S. They are pleased with my achievement. I'm very thankful for them.