2022/06/03 English

I thought if we could have the meeting we once had once a month in a temple again. If we could, I would talk about the room "Let Our Souls Talk" on Clubhouse, in which I have spoken of autism, my life itself, and the love I had experienced. How did I feel after confessing them in English... At this meeting, I learned various things and also met multiple people. I can talk about the philosophy that floods from my life experience. I can feel that comes from within me... This 'philosophy cafe' is such a place I rarely have.

If I saw my life from the point of whether I am a winner or not, my life would be a typical loser's. I am basically poor and tried to overcome such a situation. I am just an ordinary, nameless person of the 'Lost Generation'. But I could become nobody... But I met some precious friends and got various things exactly. But what is happiness? I can't see. I have to read Alain's essays about happiness. Alain's idea is always 'actual' for me.

I sometimes think about why I read such books while reading Alain and Wittgenstein. Why? My brain isn't as great as theirs and I can gain nothing if I read them. But I read them naturally and think about various things. That's my character I guess. I remember that I had thought about AUM when I was young. I am from a generation whose people had to face AUM's various horrible activities. We might be swallowed by a cult like them if we thought about happiness too seriously and directly. We felt that those cults will remake this country. We could fear them (even if this could be ridiculous).

Why am I happy? Why am I satisfied with the current me. Of course, I have to admit that I want to get more money and honor. But only luck or destiny decides what I can get. But the friendship and this skill of writing (this might be from every day's practice) are always inside me and they never change. The things which are in me, and the things I possess... I want to treat them so precious. Of course, I couldn't become Haruki Murakami. But I noticed who is just this myself. That's enough for me.