Today I worked late. In the morning, I had time so I read Brady Mikako's "I'm yellow and white, and a little bit blue". I don't know the news of the worldwide well, but I guess that rich people become richer and poor people become poorer (this can be seen all over the world). The people "I" and "mom" and "husband" who appear in this book are the reflection of the real uneven world. But they never become retrospective. They polish their minds which are influenced by punk rock and try to survive their hard life. I felt that I can trust them.
Like the book, I've read before, "Europe Calling Returns", Brady Mikako seems that treats her senses of daily real life. She doesn't start with abstract topics, but the feeling of "hungry" and tries to connect it to bigger topics. She has such thinking systems in her mind. The daily life of her family in this book is really fresh and sensitive. It's not always brilliant, but she doesn't run away to her personal world. She looks at reality and tries to survive. I have sympathy for it.
Although I always write the same things, once I had given up living. I gave up having any hopes. I always thought that I could die. Even if I try to live, I just gain the seeds of trouble. I can't earn money like my parents. So I thought if I could die then it's great. Now I don't think about that. Probably I could run away from such 'hell' and survive. Even if I can't earn a lot of money, I could train my emotion stronger.
I was not good at making friends until now. My friends tend to go away within a few years. I couldn't see how I can make a long friendship. And I became that I could see myself as "It can be shown by everyone", I started talking with others as a confident person. Now I have made a lot of friends. This must be growing up. I have come from the days I had believed that living itself was very shameful. Yes, it was a long way.