Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/02/16 English

The morning I went to AEON near my home. I wanted to read a book there but found the people who drink 'strong zero (a kind of Japanese liquor)' even though it's still morning. They were even wearing no masks and enjoying talking. At last, a staff of AEON scolded them and I was reminded of my past days. When I was a heavy drinker, I used to drink a lot of alcohol from the morning if I got a day off. All I had in my stomach was just too much complaining. Why should I live such a miserable life? Why had the age changed like this? (just sinking myself into nostalgia like Bowling For Soup's masterpiece song "1985").

I used to read a lot of books so I thought I had understood that the age I was living was not miserable especially from any other ages (Looking back the past, I should learn that there must be the ages I couldn't say anything freely about the government or society). But if the age went normally, I could get the heritage 'bubble economy' remained and live my life easily. Because I graduated from the university Waseda... and this idea must lead to the idea I must be 'super' unhappy or unlucky especially. That must become the seeds of unhealthy self-love and ressentiment. By looking back, I found the person who was exactly a true cluster of victimization. Yes, I looked down on everybody... Oh my gosh.

Oasis sings 'don't look back in anger'. I should do the things I can do at that age, that situation. I became a member of the 'stop-drinking-alcohol' meeting and began the thing that 'washing my dishes after every meal' at first, at the time when I lived with my parents (From now, I have to admit that I had been spoiled and feel embarrassed). After that, I started living at a group home and began washing my clothes by myself. I remember those things and thought that I could 'go' or 'progress' a little.

The night, I read Shunsuke Tsurumi's "Expectation and reminiscence". It was a thick book but I could read it easily by following Tsurumi's brilliantly clear and easy narrative. He tries to say his opinion by not making 'too correct' theories or ideologies but doing mistakes boldly. He is never afraid of such mistakes and that might be the same as I believe that 'if you make mistake, do it with pride' (or a friend of mine told me as it must be a 'nice error'). He also tries to find the seeds of his thoughts from his daily life and connect them to universal and eternal thinking. This kind of person could exist in Japan exactly.