BGM: 佐野元春 "Christmas Time in Blue"
I look back at what books I have read in 2022. In the beginning, I read books about brain science a lot and tried to think about where my consciousness even if I am just an amateur. Meanwhile, I read the ideologue Shunsuke Tsurumi and thought about the opinions which come from my ordinary citizen life. And I read Kazushi Hosaka, Haruki Murakami, Yoshio Kataoka, and Koutarou Sawaki. Recently I am interested in John Irving. I find that the direction of the books I want to read goes conservative. I even can say that I am certainly getting older.
I reflect on my current myself and think that this is the person I really wanted to be. Indeed, I couldn't become a celeb or famous one, but I find that I have built this by reading many books and watching many movies now. I have come here to become myself now... or everything I have had to face was the process to come here. If I think like this, I feel I can find the meaning of life. I learned English literature, I met Haruki Murakami's book, and watched a lot of movies. Everything was the way to reach here...
At the workplace, I am an outsider as usual, or I can describe myself as a heresy. From them, the action I am doing might be just the claim and nonsense saying I am autistic. It might be correct from their side. How can I solve this deep and desperate gap? This must be the one I should think about. I never want to think that being born as an autistic person was a mistake or error. Following Osamu Hashimoto's point of view, I want to make a revolution from the life I got as a loser lottery to life as a winning lottery. That might be the life I have to live.
This evening I watched "The Noel Diary" on Netflix, but I was not impressed. A banal human drama. Indeed, this must sound like a tricky saying, I won't say those banal dramas must be crap. The ones I can predict the future story might have its delicacy generally. Then what is the bad point of this drama? I say that this is not "rhythmical". How do the characters think and what mysteries does this story have? This drama doesn't have such an important moment to think about them. Everything is just flat and doesn't have waves. It goes too smoothly so doesn't leave anything in my mind.
