Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/11/19 English

What is consciousness? What is myself? I'm thinking about these things, but I'm just an ordinary person so my thinking just goes nowhere... I should read Daniel Dennett's books? Ah, I have faced this difficult question from my childhood. People have said to me I must be a strange person or just a mad person... But I have to go my way. The way that fit me well. While other classmates listened to Dreams Come True, I listened to Pizzicato Five and read Haruki Murakami and Banana Yoshimoto. So I was always said as "He must think that he is different from everyone".

I got a mail from a foreign agent. TBH once I had gotten an offer which they wanted me to write a novel (There are some services that provide amateur writers to write their novels as Japanese Kakuyomu). But I can't write longer because my concentration doesn't last long because of autism so I refused it by saying "You shouldn't spend your precious time for me". But they said, "We want you to write"... And I got an idea. Of course, I have to realize that idea so I will try to write. Yes, it would end in vain, but so what?

I remember my life a few years ago. People gave me a chance to live in a shared house. At there I tried to cook my meal by myself. People taught me the way to cook rice and miso soup... and I started living in a group home and my habit of cooking has stopped. But I want to remember this thanksgiving. These experience is becoming a part of mine even if I don't mind. Can I write this as my novel? I have done a lot of activities for seeking the best every time and they are creating me. This process of trials and errors might be a life.

I am too fat (we Japanese say it "Metabo" from "Metabolic syndrome"). So at my office, I met a staff about that direction of health and we start trying to lose weight and get closer to normal weight (1kg loss in these three months). We checked my habit of eating and exercising. Once, when I was fatter than now, I was said that eating sandwiches might be bad because it gives me too many calories of mayonnaise. I remember that and told her it. Then she got surprised and said eating sandwiches instead of lunchboxes must be healthier for getting fewer calories. Oh my gosh! I thought I should try to eat sandwiches. How would it work?