BGM: Raven - Chevy
CAUTION! I wrote a SENSITIVE content
I worked early today. This morning, at last I spilt a rant onto a group on a LINE group, and also to my job coach. I told my honest feeling/truth. I've lost my true mind, the way to go completely - nothing seems interesting for me.
As I wrote before in this journal, I am working at a department store. Now is one of the busiest seasons (a kind of "business chance",) therefore we have to endure a huge pressure the workplace affords us. I can see that. But, it is really hard for me to endure the loneliness - a horrible loneliness. No one talks to me, even shows any interest in me. I work as a machine, like an AI.
I recall my past memory - and get this one. Once, an ex-friend had said to me that I should quit the job as soon as possible. I had said to her that I would make more enemies if I had said my will honestly. Then, she had said that my company would obtain another employee instead of me (any big company can do so immediately.) Therefore I shouldn't be worry about that.
That comment she had given me had let me depressed certainly - because I had worked really hard (I had felt I would be killed by my duty, my work). I had thought that it would become really messed up if I quit my job - in other words, my existence in the workplace had been needed so seriously like that. But, I had been said that "you don't have to be there anymore". Yes, this is a kind of misunderstanding - or a distorted understanding. But anyway, I had been seriously depressed - and... I had tried to finish everything.
However, today my job coach said to me that I should try to write a letter. The letter which contains how I have been feeling troublesome in my work. After writing that, she said I should show it to my boss. She also said that she had once quit her job because of her depression - really honestly. Oh my! I must be really happy because she (and also my friends) must be the greatest friend(s) I have ever had. I cried a little secretly in my mind, without showing any teardrops - but I certainly cried because of this gratefulness.