Today is also a day I wanted to do nothing. About my work and also about my private time. I couldn't think about doing something productive like watching movies or reading books. I am being depressed now? Just thinking about quitting my job, but I can't. After I returned to my group home, I talked at the clubhouse in English. I told a person an easy Japanese greeting phrase. The ability to speak Japanese is not rare if you live in Japan, but it becomes a great ability from the perspective of globalism when you speak with foreign friends. Even if you can't speak English, you can speak your mother tongue. That's awesome.
If I am being depressed, then I should take a rest without trying to make myself upper. I thought so and I spend the day without watching or reading. I should read Steve Silberman's masterpiece "Neurotribes" which had been stopped halfway... this book is about autism and I was very moved when I had read the Japanese translated version of this. I had heard the translation wasn't good (but easy to read), so I bought an English version. But I couldn't read it. The ability to read books in another language may need a long time to be mastered. So don't hurry up.
I'm getting an interest in Syouhei Ohoka's "Seijyo press". This book is a journal in which the author showed his curiosity and enjoyed various new cultural things in his 70s. I had thought that I would die in my 40s and never thought about how I would live this life from now. From now... if I burn my inner fire and work my curiosity, I might be able to become young again. Once I lived without such a curiosity and thought I wanted to die. I wanted to erase myself in this world... If I died, they got pleased. But now is not such a miserable time.
Thinking about English. I've read Mark Petersen's books and am getting to think I should learn English again. I hadn't learned English seriously when I was a high school student, so I'm trying to learn it again although it might be too late. This could be my work... I think. Why don't I broadcast about myself in Japanese and English at clubhouse? I find the fact that I can deliver my will in English. That makes me brave. Of course, it's a tiny fact but exactly gives me little conference. Now I can see nothing, and think that I should live with this tiny conference.