I worked late today. This morning I enjoyed reading Shu Fujisawa's book "Of Heat Haze [藤沢周『陽炎の。』]" with The Pop Group's music. This book contains four short stories, and the main story is about a man (I don't want to describe this main character as "a person") who had been fired because of his tiny mistake. Reading that, I remembered why I started my current job.
I have worked at my current workplace/company for over 20 years, but I couldn't have expected I would be able to keep on working as this. TBH, at the beginning I thought that I would be able to quit this job after half a year (in other words, I "tried" to start my career). And after that "promise" to myself, I kept on doing my job... it has lasted until now.
I remember... When I started this career, I had no dream at all. Every day I just drank alcohol a lot and slept. But within those desperate days, I could have had a kind of so-called "fighting spirit" that wouldn't let me give up completely. So, at 40 when I quit alcohol, I could have had a will that has led me to encounter various friends and to attend many meetings (including the English class).
"Why snow is snow? Why snow is beautiful?" In this book, a character starts having this question in himself, and he even goes to the sea to watch the movement of waves. It seems a poetic, and beautiful image. How was my childhood? When I was a child, I had already felt a distant feeling from other children, the outer world, therefore, I tried to find out the words/vocabularies in various books at a library. So I had gotten into plenty of books...
After started my work, at a breaking time I remembered yesterday's meeting I had attended. There, we talked about getting hurt by someone else. Indeed, I don't want to get uncomfortable with other people, especially those who don't care about me as a precious mate. But if I denied getting hurt by anybody anymore, my life would become tasteless because it would mean I have to try to detach any connection with the outside world.
