BGM: Donald Fagen - Snowbound
I worked late today. This morning, I've got surprised at the scenery outside of my group home because it has snowed slightly. The first snow! I took a pic of that and shared it with my friends on LINE etc. Oh, this kind of beautiful nature events always surprise me, and certainly move my mind deeply.
And I start digging/remembering my terrible, really miserable days again (Yes, this is the story I have repeated many times as you can see.) The days I had been bullied, and also the period I had failed the trial of job hunting and lost any hope toward my future completely (and therefore, I had become a terrible, miserable heavy drinker.) At that time, I closed my mind from the world like a hikikomori person.
In a way - I can see that in those days I just stayed in my small, really messed room. With plenty of cans of beer, and huge delusion... A really, really barren period (but that was my 20s and 30s.) I just had dreamed that I would become a great, ultimately famous popstar, a marvelous professional writer - that was all for me at that period. Now, I say this with an emotion of shame.
And now - TBH recently I've been thinking about this. How can I do the advice for/toward the people who have been within their worlds so strictly without listening to other people's comments/opinions? Yes, as Depeche mode says "people are people" therefore all I can do is just "leave them alone", that's all - But, I can't leave them so. Maybe I am still too childish therefore I can't separate myself from those ones.
After writing my English memo in this morning as usual, I started reading the book by one of my favorite writers, Nayuta Miki's book once again (三木那由他『言葉の展望台』.) I find that this book tells me smartly how our lovely daily communications have been held in this world. Yes, they must be really chaotic. Now, on X, I can find that some famous/notorious users use their words really carelessly, rudely. I need to be careful about "my" usage of words. In front of every display, every smartphone, there must be a user, a person who can show tears and blood.
